I know there are some of you just furious with me for not having posted since Wednesday. I am sorry. I promise to post pictures and a video later today. For now, allow me a brief time of reflection.
Yesterday we sat on a panel of adoptive parents, answering questions and sharing stories to a room full of pregnant teenagers (the residents of the Godparent Home) and waiting adoptive couples. Two years ago we were sitting on the other side of that table. We were the waiting parents. We were nervous, full of anxiety, definitely overwhelmed, and bubbling with questions.
It was a room full of emotion, to say the least, and what I loved even more was that we as adoptive parents were just as emotional. We told our stories and shed tears. We listened to others and we cried and laughed with them. The couple next to us had waited in an adoption pool for 5 years before getting their bundle. She's now 9 months old. I remember her telling me after their placement, "Now I know why we had to wait so long - she just wasn't here yet."
I remember as waiting parents we were so freaked out at the fact that a pregnant, hormonal, teenage girl had the power to change our livves. She got to choose whether or not we'd be the parents of the baby she bore. But what we realized through the whole process - being denied, being chosen then not, then finally chosen and placed - was that God truly orchestrated every part of our process.
Sara told one of the caseworkers the night she made her decision, "I never pray, but I prayed about this." The next day she told us we were to be Elijah's parents.
While I am aware that you may be mad there are no new pictures, I am also aware the reason - the real reason - this silly blog even exists is not to brag about my adorable son, or boast his new accomplishment, or even tattle tale on his latest trick. No, the real reason for this blog is to brag about my God. To tell of His works. To share the miracle we've experienced.
Several of the families on the panel with us commented that their adopted child had enormous "extended family" because of the church, friends, co-workers and support groups that had experienced their adoption journeys with them. It's true - Elijah is not our own. He is our church family's. He is our extended family's. He is our co-workers. He is the living breathing product of answered prayers - and not just of our own - but of dozens, probably hundreds - we aren't even aware of.
So today, we remember. We remember and give thanks. We remember and rejoice. And we know you do too. If you contiue to stop by this blog then I know it's not just to see Elijah grow - but it's to be reminded of a God who performs miracles. I pray you are blessed by Him today!
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
One Year Ago
5-30-08 Journal Entry
We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"
I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.
Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.
And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.
http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html
We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"
I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.
Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.
And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.
http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html
Thursday, April 9, 2009
11 Months Old
The countdown is on. This is the last "month" to achieve before we celebrate his first birthday. Everyone said the time would fly. I had no idea how right they were. It doesn't seem possible that this time last year we were none the wiser that parenthood was right around the corner. I can still vividly remember frantically packing for Ohio and the nerves I felt before walking into the room where I knew I'd lay eyes on my son. I've kept track of every little accomplishment - rolling over, a tooth, first experiences with food, trips and visits from family and friends. What I know is that what we've experienced over the past 11 months with our son has been beyond what we could have ever imagined.
Pap said it best - Thank God for unanswered prayers. If we would have gotten what we prayed for (to begin with), we wouldn't have Elijah. If we had been chosen the first interview, or things had worked out with the second interview - it wouldn't be HIM. We waited, and waited, FOR HIM because he was who God had planned for us. I'm so thankful for God's perfect plan and His sovereignty in our lives.
In the recent weeks, we've seen this budding personality emerge as he's become more aware of his interactions with us and others. We know how to get him belly laughing; likewise he knows how to make us laugh. He's aware of getting attention - whether that's prompted by his notorious fake cough or physically crawling up to you and laughing in your face. He also knows when he does not have your attention, and most recently, that usually results in him expressing shrieks or squeals (as high-pitched as you can imagine) with the new-found voice he's discovered. He is so proud of himself because as soon as you respond to his noises, he just laughs. It is precious to watch this little life developing into a little person.
Last night I prayed over every inch of him. His mind to be filled with the goodness and knowledge of the Lord. His eyes to look for and see the good in people. His mouth to share the Good News and love of God. His hands to serve and give and reach out to others. His feet to carry the Gospel of Christ - no matter where he goes. His heart to be dedicated to Christ and to love Him with all his might.
So the countdown begins. Yes, there will be a party. There will be cake. There will be presents. Most importantly, there will be a little boy - not so much of a baby anymore - who has blessed our lives more than we could have ever prayed for.
Pap said it best - Thank God for unanswered prayers. If we would have gotten what we prayed for (to begin with), we wouldn't have Elijah. If we had been chosen the first interview, or things had worked out with the second interview - it wouldn't be HIM. We waited, and waited, FOR HIM because he was who God had planned for us. I'm so thankful for God's perfect plan and His sovereignty in our lives.
In the recent weeks, we've seen this budding personality emerge as he's become more aware of his interactions with us and others. We know how to get him belly laughing; likewise he knows how to make us laugh. He's aware of getting attention - whether that's prompted by his notorious fake cough or physically crawling up to you and laughing in your face. He also knows when he does not have your attention, and most recently, that usually results in him expressing shrieks or squeals (as high-pitched as you can imagine) with the new-found voice he's discovered. He is so proud of himself because as soon as you respond to his noises, he just laughs. It is precious to watch this little life developing into a little person.
Last night I prayed over every inch of him. His mind to be filled with the goodness and knowledge of the Lord. His eyes to look for and see the good in people. His mouth to share the Good News and love of God. His hands to serve and give and reach out to others. His feet to carry the Gospel of Christ - no matter where he goes. His heart to be dedicated to Christ and to love Him with all his might.
So the countdown begins. Yes, there will be a party. There will be cake. There will be presents. Most importantly, there will be a little boy - not so much of a baby anymore - who has blessed our lives more than we could have ever prayed for.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Reminiscent
"I have prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him." I Samuel 1:27
Elijah,
A year ago this time we were waiting to find out whether or not the second birthmother we'd interviewed with had chosen us. We later learned she ended up parenting her baby boy. We've been blessed to remain friends with her and her son. While it was disappointing at the time, what I now know is how God has used that relationship in different ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son. He was meant to be your friend.
Today I've been filled with butterflies as I await the pictures of some dear friends who were meeting their baby girl for the first time. I woke up with them on my mind and I've prayed for them and thought about them off and on throughout the day. It has allowed me to fully relive all the emotions, all the memories of the day we met you.
I remember the seemingly endless drive to Ohio. We were filled with nerves. We had so much to talk about but could barely carry on a conversation because of the excitement we were experiencing. I remember daddy looking back at the empty carseat in the backseat and commenting on how it would be occuppied the next day.
I remember the night before, resting peacefully as so many had prayed for a restful night for us. We went out to dinner, went to the hotel, got our outfits ready for the big placement ceremony. We wanted everything to be perfect when we met you. Every experience was our "last" but not in a sad way - in a sentimental way marking how we had waited and prayed so long for our miracle.
I am reminded of the call - we knew Sara was meeting with you before she'd place you in our arms but the call came an hour earlier than we were told. We were so nervous walking into the room, not knowing what you'd look like. All we knew was how tiny we were told you'd be.
And finally - we laid eyes on you. What is remarkable is that I had dreamed about a placement ceremony. I don't know if I've told anyone this, but in November 2006, before we even knew adoption would be how God blessed us with you, I stood in the Vines Center watching placement ceremonies on the jumbo-trons during a fundraiser Winter Market the Godparent Home was having. I teared up as I watched Dr. Falwell place percious little ones into the waiting arms of their adoptive parents. In my heart of hearts - without knowing ANYTHING at that point - I knew one thing - I knew one day that would be me. I didn't know it would be you, but I knew God was already preparing my heart for the day we'd meet.
May 31, 2008.
A newly adoptive family said it best just the other day: "Now we know why this took so long - she wasn't born yet!"
It's true. The first interview, the second, even the other birthmothers I met in the home were all a part of God's perfect plan - but the entire time He had already chosen YOU for US.
I have fully embraced the way God orchestrated each and every step of our adoption - each and every part of the journey that led to that priceless moment of when you were placed in our arms. But what I have been quick to forget is how God PLACES families together.
You were placed in our lives specifically for us. And all the other circumstances, the disappointments, the failures, the heartaches, the confusion, happened so God could show His Sovereignty and might by bringing our family together.
What I am thankful for is the reminder - to reminisce of the day we met. To remember how God answered our prayers - but what it so important to remember is not that God answered our prayers for a baby...but that He answered our prayers to become a family. He had a plan. He knew all along. It wasn't just that we were meant to be adoptive parents - we were meant to be YOUR adoptive parents. I know that full well and I'm thankful for the reminder that there are no accidents in the life of a child of God.
Elijah, you have blessed my life more than I can even put into words. Your curious exploration reminds me not to miss the little things. Your zeal and excitement remind me to let my joy be complete in Christ. But mostly, you remind me every time I look at your sweet face that God hears the prayers of His people and He answers. I am quick to add that the answer isn't always yes to what we want. Even when the answer seems like a "no" it just means He has a greater yes planned. I love you baby boy. You are my answer to prayer.
Elijah,
A year ago this time we were waiting to find out whether or not the second birthmother we'd interviewed with had chosen us. We later learned she ended up parenting her baby boy. We've been blessed to remain friends with her and her son. While it was disappointing at the time, what I now know is how God has used that relationship in different ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son. He was meant to be your friend.
Today I've been filled with butterflies as I await the pictures of some dear friends who were meeting their baby girl for the first time. I woke up with them on my mind and I've prayed for them and thought about them off and on throughout the day. It has allowed me to fully relive all the emotions, all the memories of the day we met you.
I remember the seemingly endless drive to Ohio. We were filled with nerves. We had so much to talk about but could barely carry on a conversation because of the excitement we were experiencing. I remember daddy looking back at the empty carseat in the backseat and commenting on how it would be occuppied the next day.
I remember the night before, resting peacefully as so many had prayed for a restful night for us. We went out to dinner, went to the hotel, got our outfits ready for the big placement ceremony. We wanted everything to be perfect when we met you. Every experience was our "last" but not in a sad way - in a sentimental way marking how we had waited and prayed so long for our miracle.
I am reminded of the call - we knew Sara was meeting with you before she'd place you in our arms but the call came an hour earlier than we were told. We were so nervous walking into the room, not knowing what you'd look like. All we knew was how tiny we were told you'd be.
And finally - we laid eyes on you. What is remarkable is that I had dreamed about a placement ceremony. I don't know if I've told anyone this, but in November 2006, before we even knew adoption would be how God blessed us with you, I stood in the Vines Center watching placement ceremonies on the jumbo-trons during a fundraiser Winter Market the Godparent Home was having. I teared up as I watched Dr. Falwell place percious little ones into the waiting arms of their adoptive parents. In my heart of hearts - without knowing ANYTHING at that point - I knew one thing - I knew one day that would be me. I didn't know it would be you, but I knew God was already preparing my heart for the day we'd meet.
May 31, 2008.
A newly adoptive family said it best just the other day: "Now we know why this took so long - she wasn't born yet!"
It's true. The first interview, the second, even the other birthmothers I met in the home were all a part of God's perfect plan - but the entire time He had already chosen YOU for US.
I have fully embraced the way God orchestrated each and every step of our adoption - each and every part of the journey that led to that priceless moment of when you were placed in our arms. But what I have been quick to forget is how God PLACES families together.
You were placed in our lives specifically for us. And all the other circumstances, the disappointments, the failures, the heartaches, the confusion, happened so God could show His Sovereignty and might by bringing our family together.
What I am thankful for is the reminder - to reminisce of the day we met. To remember how God answered our prayers - but what it so important to remember is not that God answered our prayers for a baby...but that He answered our prayers to become a family. He had a plan. He knew all along. It wasn't just that we were meant to be adoptive parents - we were meant to be YOUR adoptive parents. I know that full well and I'm thankful for the reminder that there are no accidents in the life of a child of God.
Elijah, you have blessed my life more than I can even put into words. Your curious exploration reminds me not to miss the little things. Your zeal and excitement remind me to let my joy be complete in Christ. But mostly, you remind me every time I look at your sweet face that God hears the prayers of His people and He answers. I am quick to add that the answer isn't always yes to what we want. Even when the answer seems like a "no" it just means He has a greater yes planned. I love you baby boy. You are my answer to prayer.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Reflections
Disclaimer: Some of you will have no idea why I'm sharing this. Others of you, I believe, need to hear this.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Goodbye 2008...
I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions, but I always use the new year as a fresh way to reflect on the past year and how I've grown and set goals for the year ahead. Looking back at 2008, I am blown away at how God has moved.
We set out on our journey to start a family almost 3 years ago. And two years ago found out we couldn't do that on our own. And one year ago we entered the waiting pool...and tonight, as I rocked my baby boy to sleep, I couldn't help but notice how he's gotten so long that his feet hang over the arm of the rocking chair. He's almost 8 months old and we've spent more than half of the past year experiencing the new discoveries of life as parents. What an incredible journey.
When I look back at what I wanted to accomplish this year, I prayed for my faith to grow. I wanted to see my relationship with the Lord taken to new levels. It has certainly been a faith journey as we had interview after interview until finally being chosen. It was definitely a testament of faith to see God work out each detail of our adoption of Elijah.
I have committed to praying for my husband and now I'm committing to pray for my family. I am convinced, from my own mother's example, that a praying mother is a child's best defense.
Priorities have changed as life has done the same, but I don't want to forget those around me and see where i can fill a need. I pray for opportunities to serve and give and share.
Most of all, I pray for you to be blessed. As we've updated you on the least little accomplishment in Elijah's life, please know we don't take for granted the prayers, support and encouragement you have been to our family.
Now on to Elijah's milestones - to wrap up 2008:
- He has officially learned to crawl. He still scoots a lot but when he's on a mission, he can fly across the floor.
- He can pull himself up. On the side of the couch, on the side of a box, on you, or - the scariest part - in his crib. Yes, we've lowered the mattress as far as it will go so he can't fall out.
- He can throw a temper tantrum! Also part of him pulling himself up in the crib, but the past few weeks have been a nightmare trying to put him to sleep and the past few nights have shown he has quite a temper. He pulled himself up to a standing position and was shaking on the side of the crib ... not once, or twice, but FOUR TIMES.
- He has become so interactive. He plays peek-a-boo, loves for you to sing to him, and loves to hear his name cheered or sung.
We're sure to fill the blog in 2009 with more of these silly little accomplishments that we thank you all for enduring. Have a blessed and happy new year!
We set out on our journey to start a family almost 3 years ago. And two years ago found out we couldn't do that on our own. And one year ago we entered the waiting pool...and tonight, as I rocked my baby boy to sleep, I couldn't help but notice how he's gotten so long that his feet hang over the arm of the rocking chair. He's almost 8 months old and we've spent more than half of the past year experiencing the new discoveries of life as parents. What an incredible journey.
When I look back at what I wanted to accomplish this year, I prayed for my faith to grow. I wanted to see my relationship with the Lord taken to new levels. It has certainly been a faith journey as we had interview after interview until finally being chosen. It was definitely a testament of faith to see God work out each detail of our adoption of Elijah.
I have committed to praying for my husband and now I'm committing to pray for my family. I am convinced, from my own mother's example, that a praying mother is a child's best defense.
Priorities have changed as life has done the same, but I don't want to forget those around me and see where i can fill a need. I pray for opportunities to serve and give and share.
Most of all, I pray for you to be blessed. As we've updated you on the least little accomplishment in Elijah's life, please know we don't take for granted the prayers, support and encouragement you have been to our family.
Now on to Elijah's milestones - to wrap up 2008:
- He has officially learned to crawl. He still scoots a lot but when he's on a mission, he can fly across the floor.
- He can pull himself up. On the side of the couch, on the side of a box, on you, or - the scariest part - in his crib. Yes, we've lowered the mattress as far as it will go so he can't fall out.
- He can throw a temper tantrum! Also part of him pulling himself up in the crib, but the past few weeks have been a nightmare trying to put him to sleep and the past few nights have shown he has quite a temper. He pulled himself up to a standing position and was shaking on the side of the crib ... not once, or twice, but FOUR TIMES.
- He has become so interactive. He plays peek-a-boo, loves for you to sing to him, and loves to hear his name cheered or sung.
We're sure to fill the blog in 2009 with more of these silly little accomplishments that we thank you all for enduring. Have a blessed and happy new year!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Reflections
Elijah,
It's been awhile since I wrote you an update. Time seems to be flying by. Everyone said it would but now that I'm living in the moment, I realize how right they were. You're not just growing and getting lots of hair (which I love) but your personality is coming through in full force.
You have a sweet spirit. You rub your little hand on our back or shoulder when we hold you close. You grab hold to our arms when we're dressing or changing you. You snuggle close when we pick you up - especially as you're waking up or going to sleep. I thank God for your sweet spirit.
You are an active boy! You kick your legs every chance you get. You jump with full force, to everyone's delight, and you sometimes surprise yourself and get startled but then laugh. You love to grab hold of toys. The rings that clip together are your favorite because they're easy to hold and put in your mouth. You've started recognizing all the fun toys on your exersaucer and can grab them and pull them toward you. You spent 20 minutes watching Baby Einstein with mommy tonight and you jumped and chattered through the entire video.
You've discovered your voice. You have the best laugh. You put your whole body into the deep belly chuckle, shaking with delight and grinning big enough we can see your adorable dimple. You also love to cough and gag, mostly because you know it will get a reaction. As you jump and play you choke in between laughs and wait to see if we'll look and respond. We do, and you love it, and then you crack up laughing.
I am so excited to see who you become; so aware of all the new feats you daily reach...and yet each new accomplishment is another reminder you're all-too-soon growing up. It's never too soon to be reminded that these days - these moments - go fleeting by. I am so blessed by your life - each and every moment I get to share with you. I love you, little boy!
Mommy
It's been awhile since I wrote you an update. Time seems to be flying by. Everyone said it would but now that I'm living in the moment, I realize how right they were. You're not just growing and getting lots of hair (which I love) but your personality is coming through in full force.
You have a sweet spirit. You rub your little hand on our back or shoulder when we hold you close. You grab hold to our arms when we're dressing or changing you. You snuggle close when we pick you up - especially as you're waking up or going to sleep. I thank God for your sweet spirit.
You are an active boy! You kick your legs every chance you get. You jump with full force, to everyone's delight, and you sometimes surprise yourself and get startled but then laugh. You love to grab hold of toys. The rings that clip together are your favorite because they're easy to hold and put in your mouth. You've started recognizing all the fun toys on your exersaucer and can grab them and pull them toward you. You spent 20 minutes watching Baby Einstein with mommy tonight and you jumped and chattered through the entire video.
You've discovered your voice. You have the best laugh. You put your whole body into the deep belly chuckle, shaking with delight and grinning big enough we can see your adorable dimple. You also love to cough and gag, mostly because you know it will get a reaction. As you jump and play you choke in between laughs and wait to see if we'll look and respond. We do, and you love it, and then you crack up laughing.
I am so excited to see who you become; so aware of all the new feats you daily reach...and yet each new accomplishment is another reminder you're all-too-soon growing up. It's never too soon to be reminded that these days - these moments - go fleeting by. I am so blessed by your life - each and every moment I get to share with you. I love you, little boy!
Mommy
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Time Flies
No matter where we go you grab people's attention. Babies seem to be a magnet for friendly faces and smiles from strangers. What is it about a baby that bonds people who have never met? The innocence of youth maybe. The wide-eyed wonderment of a life experiencing everything for the first time. Some know your story - some don't. The best is when people tell us you look like daddy or me. It just thrills me to think that even that detail was something God worked out perfectly.
They say time flies when you're having fun. And everywhere we go fellow parents tell us to enjoy every minute because children grow up too fast.
And the cliches are becoming reality. You are growing up right before our very eyes. It helps me be so very mindful of the blessing you are - our miracle. I simply don't want to forget.
Everyone asks us if we'll adopt again. The simple answer is I don't know. All I do know is I want to enjoy every minute. If I only get one chance, I want to make sure to take in every gummy smile, each belly laugh and the many faces you share. I want to remember all the little milestones - from rolling over to the first words and steps yet to come.
What people know about our story is you're an answer to prayer...but what they may not know is we got several no's before we were told yes. From not being able to conceive, to a baby placed in my arms in Brazil, and then two other birthmother interviews before we were chosen by Sara...there were mixed emotions, hurt feelings, tears and lots of prayers before we finally met you. Those are things I don't want to forget either, because that is all part of the process that lead us to you.
So full of personality - so much so that he not only refuses to smile for the camera but now he actually tries to get away from me when I have it. Good thing all he can do right now is roll!
They say time flies when you're having fun. And everywhere we go fellow parents tell us to enjoy every minute because children grow up too fast.
And the cliches are becoming reality. You are growing up right before our very eyes. It helps me be so very mindful of the blessing you are - our miracle. I simply don't want to forget.
Everyone asks us if we'll adopt again. The simple answer is I don't know. All I do know is I want to enjoy every minute. If I only get one chance, I want to make sure to take in every gummy smile, each belly laugh and the many faces you share. I want to remember all the little milestones - from rolling over to the first words and steps yet to come.
What people know about our story is you're an answer to prayer...but what they may not know is we got several no's before we were told yes. From not being able to conceive, to a baby placed in my arms in Brazil, and then two other birthmother interviews before we were chosen by Sara...there were mixed emotions, hurt feelings, tears and lots of prayers before we finally met you. Those are things I don't want to forget either, because that is all part of the process that lead us to you.
So full of personality - so much so that he not only refuses to smile for the camera but now he actually tries to get away from me when I have it. Good thing all he can do right now is roll!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
4 Months Old
Elijah Riley,
Boy oh boy...it is hard to believe you are already 4 months old. Where has the time gone?!
You've had a couple of 'off' days - just not being yourself. I rocked you tonight and you fell asleep in my arms. I prayed over you - for your little mind to grow and develop; for your ears to hear the Good News; for your sweet little mouth to speak words of love; for your precious heart to know the love of Jesus; for your chubby hands to serve; and for your little feet to go.
Yes, go. That one brought tears to my eyes. As I hold you I know you will one day grow up and leave. You will become a man with a family of your own. That is the hardest part to fathom because I never want you to 'leave' me, but I know that is part of this process. Yes, that is many, many years away...but it is also a reminder of this whole gift of adoption. I have to be willing to love you enough to let you go. Wow. I simply cannot imagine how a birthmother does it but she must experience the most ultimate expression of love - letting go.
For now, I get to hold you and that is fine by me. I love you more than I can even express and as you continue to grow, I pray that your life will continue to bless others and bring God glory.
Love,
Mommy
Thanks for the "E" onesie, Aunt Haley!
Boy oh boy...it is hard to believe you are already 4 months old. Where has the time gone?!
You've had a couple of 'off' days - just not being yourself. I rocked you tonight and you fell asleep in my arms. I prayed over you - for your little mind to grow and develop; for your ears to hear the Good News; for your sweet little mouth to speak words of love; for your precious heart to know the love of Jesus; for your chubby hands to serve; and for your little feet to go.
Yes, go. That one brought tears to my eyes. As I hold you I know you will one day grow up and leave. You will become a man with a family of your own. That is the hardest part to fathom because I never want you to 'leave' me, but I know that is part of this process. Yes, that is many, many years away...but it is also a reminder of this whole gift of adoption. I have to be willing to love you enough to let you go. Wow. I simply cannot imagine how a birthmother does it but she must experience the most ultimate expression of love - letting go.
For now, I get to hold you and that is fine by me. I love you more than I can even express and as you continue to grow, I pray that your life will continue to bless others and bring God glory.
Love,
Mommy
Thanks for the "E" onesie, Aunt Haley!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Goodnight Kisses
Elijah,
You have caught on to the routine. You know when we put a bib on you that it means bottle time. You have one of two reactions. 1. Either you start waving your arms and kicking your feet and react in excitement or 2. you start to fuss, crying impatiently because we're not feeding you fast enough.
You've also come to know the bedtime routine as well. We put your PJ's on, turn on the 'white noise' machine, turn on the ceiling projector so you can watch the animals on the ceiling while you drink your bottle. I rock you as you eat your last meal of the day and you know it's time to go to sleep.
There are other things you've learned as well - like how NOT to smile whenever a camera is in front of you. It doesn't matter what camera, who's taking the picture or even if we try to catch you off guard. You simply see a camera and turn from instant smile to instant seriousness. Will we ever get another smiling photo out of you?! Daddy says it's my fault for taking so many pictures.
You've also figured out when daddy comes in to give you goodnight kisses that you can turn your head the other direction. You have already begun to prolong the bedtime process by playing games. Repeatedly, daddy would go in for the kiss and you would turn your head in the other direction. What a jokester!
We'll continue to steal as many kisses as we can and take all kinds of crazy photos. And you, little boy, will only continue to call our bluff!
Play time with Brody & Sierra.
Buddies!
Hey, what do you say we leave these ladies behind and bust out of here?
What are you looking at?
Can I get a little help here? I love to twist but sometimes get stuck.
Play time
Toys? What toys? All I need are hands.
It's really bright out here.
That's better. Now I'm ready for the sun.
You have caught on to the routine. You know when we put a bib on you that it means bottle time. You have one of two reactions. 1. Either you start waving your arms and kicking your feet and react in excitement or 2. you start to fuss, crying impatiently because we're not feeding you fast enough.
You've also come to know the bedtime routine as well. We put your PJ's on, turn on the 'white noise' machine, turn on the ceiling projector so you can watch the animals on the ceiling while you drink your bottle. I rock you as you eat your last meal of the day and you know it's time to go to sleep.
There are other things you've learned as well - like how NOT to smile whenever a camera is in front of you. It doesn't matter what camera, who's taking the picture or even if we try to catch you off guard. You simply see a camera and turn from instant smile to instant seriousness. Will we ever get another smiling photo out of you?! Daddy says it's my fault for taking so many pictures.
You've also figured out when daddy comes in to give you goodnight kisses that you can turn your head the other direction. You have already begun to prolong the bedtime process by playing games. Repeatedly, daddy would go in for the kiss and you would turn your head in the other direction. What a jokester!
We'll continue to steal as many kisses as we can and take all kinds of crazy photos. And you, little boy, will only continue to call our bluff!
Play time with Brody & Sierra.
Buddies!
Hey, what do you say we leave these ladies behind and bust out of here?
What are you looking at?
Can I get a little help here? I love to twist but sometimes get stuck.
Play time
Toys? What toys? All I need are hands.
It's really bright out here.
That's better. Now I'm ready for the sun.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Our Little Man
Elijah,
15 weeks old tomorrow - our little man! You are enamored with your hands, you love to blow (and spit) bubbles, and you are still such a good sleeper!
You have also learned what the camera is and REFUSE to smile when it is put in front of your face. So for all of your fans watching you grow, they will not see smiling pictures despite mommy and daddy's sometimes crazy efforts.
They may even notice you are actually covering your face in some photos. Oh you little stinker!
I'm starting to notice your eyes turning brown just around the pupil. I don't know if that's the color they'll stay but brown or green outfits are making your eyes stand out so much!
You hung out with Miss Sherry, Miss Sierra and Brody today. Sierra said you weren't quite sure what to think about Brody. He's only 2 months older than you but I guess you aren't used to seeing another little person like you. We talk about your future play dates and all the fun things you boys will grow up to do! We are so thankful for their friendship.
We went out to dinner with Nana and Papa and she commented that you have rocked her world. As I rocked you to sleep tonight I cried tears of joy. Just to hold you in my arms is sometimes so surreal. I waited for so long to hold a baby. And then I thought of Sara and how she must have held you and cried too, but for a different reason. Knowing she would hold you for only a short time before she would choose to place you with us. I realize I am but a steward - appointed by God, chosen by Sara, to be your mother. It is an awesome and sometimes overwhelming responsibility. I love you with everything in me.
15 weeks old tomorrow - our little man! You are enamored with your hands, you love to blow (and spit) bubbles, and you are still such a good sleeper!
You have also learned what the camera is and REFUSE to smile when it is put in front of your face. So for all of your fans watching you grow, they will not see smiling pictures despite mommy and daddy's sometimes crazy efforts.
They may even notice you are actually covering your face in some photos. Oh you little stinker!
I'm starting to notice your eyes turning brown just around the pupil. I don't know if that's the color they'll stay but brown or green outfits are making your eyes stand out so much!
You hung out with Miss Sherry, Miss Sierra and Brody today. Sierra said you weren't quite sure what to think about Brody. He's only 2 months older than you but I guess you aren't used to seeing another little person like you. We talk about your future play dates and all the fun things you boys will grow up to do! We are so thankful for their friendship.
We went out to dinner with Nana and Papa and she commented that you have rocked her world. As I rocked you to sleep tonight I cried tears of joy. Just to hold you in my arms is sometimes so surreal. I waited for so long to hold a baby. And then I thought of Sara and how she must have held you and cried too, but for a different reason. Knowing she would hold you for only a short time before she would choose to place you with us. I realize I am but a steward - appointed by God, chosen by Sara, to be your mother. It is an awesome and sometimes overwhelming responsibility. I love you with everything in me.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Mastering His Trade
Elijah,
Every time we put you on your back you do your best to roll over. You get just about halfway over when you usually get stuck on your side. You can't seem to figure out how to get your arm out from underneath you. Then you get frustrated and start fussing for someone to come and help.
We have discovered that you know exactly what you're doing. You know that you can turn on the 'fake cry' to get us to help you out. When daddy or I do help you roll, you do a face plant and wait to see if we'll help again.
Once face down, you have learned to start kicking your legs. If you get traction behind your feet, you have started to perform the army crawl. You can't quite do this on your own yet, but you are trying so hard.
You have also mastered the art of going from a laugh to a cry in .025 seconds. For those watching the Olympics, that can mean the difference between Gold and Silver. But in your world, what it really means is you have 'mastered' us. You know exactly how to turn it on so you can get attention. Usually it's just enough of a giggle to get someone to pay attention to you and in mid-laugh you turn to tears in hopes of someone picking you up. Oh you silly boy!
You are so much fun and we love every minute!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
9 Weeks
Elijah,
9 weeks ago we were sitting in a hotel on a Saturday morning. We got up and tried to eat breakfast. The room was full of vacationers making plans for the pool or amusement park. We tried to be calm but the excitement was building and written all over our faces.
I remember sitting across from daddy and we just kept staring at each other. We were at a loss for words. The anticipation of meeting you for the first time was so overwhelming, we didn't know what to feel.
It was the longest five hours I've ever experienced. Call it a 'quick labor and delivery' - but it seemed like forever to me.
We loved you the moment we saw you. There was no question about that. But we fall more in love with you every single day. At just over 5 pounds, you were the tiniest little thing. You fit perfectly in our arms and lives and we knew life would never be the same.
Now you're 12 weeks old, just about 12 pounds and so full of life. Your cheeks have filled out and you're growing daily before our eyes.
Last night we were in the family room and you were wide awake and content to just rest in my arms. I looked at daddy and said, "Could we have been anymore blessed?!"
We are amazed by you. You are a living, breathing miracle. It's true, we only had 2 days to prepare to get you - but we had been waiting for almost 2 years for a baby to bless our lives.
Our world has been turned upside down. Our lives have been rocked to the core. You have completely and utterly changed every thing that used to be a priority for us. And we wouldn't have it any other way.
We'll have many more milestones to celebrate and holidays, birthdays and "Gotcha Days" to enjoy - but today, I'm just going to enjoy you - my sweet little boy.
Love,
Mommy
9 weeks ago we were sitting in a hotel on a Saturday morning. We got up and tried to eat breakfast. The room was full of vacationers making plans for the pool or amusement park. We tried to be calm but the excitement was building and written all over our faces.
I remember sitting across from daddy and we just kept staring at each other. We were at a loss for words. The anticipation of meeting you for the first time was so overwhelming, we didn't know what to feel.
It was the longest five hours I've ever experienced. Call it a 'quick labor and delivery' - but it seemed like forever to me.
We loved you the moment we saw you. There was no question about that. But we fall more in love with you every single day. At just over 5 pounds, you were the tiniest little thing. You fit perfectly in our arms and lives and we knew life would never be the same.
Now you're 12 weeks old, just about 12 pounds and so full of life. Your cheeks have filled out and you're growing daily before our eyes.
Last night we were in the family room and you were wide awake and content to just rest in my arms. I looked at daddy and said, "Could we have been anymore blessed?!"
We are amazed by you. You are a living, breathing miracle. It's true, we only had 2 days to prepare to get you - but we had been waiting for almost 2 years for a baby to bless our lives.
Our world has been turned upside down. Our lives have been rocked to the core. You have completely and utterly changed every thing that used to be a priority for us. And we wouldn't have it any other way.
We'll have many more milestones to celebrate and holidays, birthdays and "Gotcha Days" to enjoy - but today, I'm just going to enjoy you - my sweet little boy.
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, July 13, 2008
All the Little Things
You like to hold your own pacifier...and the funniest thing is when you yank it out of your mouth when you get mad because it's not a bottle. You have even shown your strength (and temper) by taking both hands and throwing it out of your mouth across the room.
You made a big debut at church again today. Everyone couldn't get over how much you've grown. At 9 weeks old, you are over 9 pounds and finally into 0-3 month clothes. That is so fun for mommy, because the outfits start to get really cute!
You still love to make all kinds of faces, and while the serious furrowed brow is still your favorite, we are just in love with your smiling face! You are intereacting on a whole new level, smiling and laughing and making all kinds of noises.
We went to the pool today, although daddy wouldn't let you go in (just remember, he's the meany, not me). You still love being outdoors - even in the 90 degree weather - and it puts you right to sleep.
Daddy is so glad you can finally fit into your Nike outfits. He bought this for you as soon as we found out we were getting you. He also has some Miami Hurricane outfits he's dying for you to wear. Hopefully by the time football season rolls around, you'll be able to sport the team wear.
I love that you look at us now. I love that you talk to us. You try so hard to mimmick the sounds we make. I love that when mommy or daddy get close to your face to kiss you, you pucker your lips as if you're ready to kiss us back. I love when you get frustrated and want us to pick you up and you start this little wimper. It's the cutest sound. I love that you bury your face when you want to curl up in our arms and sleep. You know when daddy's holding you because you slide right into your sleeping position, comfortably across his chest. I love that when we lay you down to sleep you curl yourself right into a little ball and flip from your back to your side. I love how you put your little arms underneath your face, proving your own little pillow when you sleep. I love all the little things about you, sweet one, and most of all I love you.
When I think about the fact that you have been perfectly placed into our lives, I'm just blown away. Although daddy and I did not make you, you were made perfectly for us!
You made a big debut at church again today. Everyone couldn't get over how much you've grown. At 9 weeks old, you are over 9 pounds and finally into 0-3 month clothes. That is so fun for mommy, because the outfits start to get really cute!
You still love to make all kinds of faces, and while the serious furrowed brow is still your favorite, we are just in love with your smiling face! You are intereacting on a whole new level, smiling and laughing and making all kinds of noises.
We went to the pool today, although daddy wouldn't let you go in (just remember, he's the meany, not me). You still love being outdoors - even in the 90 degree weather - and it puts you right to sleep.
Daddy is so glad you can finally fit into your Nike outfits. He bought this for you as soon as we found out we were getting you. He also has some Miami Hurricane outfits he's dying for you to wear. Hopefully by the time football season rolls around, you'll be able to sport the team wear.
I love that you look at us now. I love that you talk to us. You try so hard to mimmick the sounds we make. I love that when mommy or daddy get close to your face to kiss you, you pucker your lips as if you're ready to kiss us back. I love when you get frustrated and want us to pick you up and you start this little wimper. It's the cutest sound. I love that you bury your face when you want to curl up in our arms and sleep. You know when daddy's holding you because you slide right into your sleeping position, comfortably across his chest. I love that when we lay you down to sleep you curl yourself right into a little ball and flip from your back to your side. I love how you put your little arms underneath your face, proving your own little pillow when you sleep. I love all the little things about you, sweet one, and most of all I love you.
When I think about the fact that you have been perfectly placed into our lives, I'm just blown away. Although daddy and I did not make you, you were made perfectly for us!
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