"I have prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him." I Samuel 1:27
Elijah,
A year ago this time we were waiting to find out whether or not the second birthmother we'd interviewed with had chosen us. We later learned she ended up parenting her baby boy. We've been blessed to remain friends with her and her son. While it was disappointing at the time, what I now know is how God has used that relationship in different ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son. He was meant to be your friend.
Today I've been filled with butterflies as I await the pictures of some dear friends who were meeting their baby girl for the first time. I woke up with them on my mind and I've prayed for them and thought about them off and on throughout the day. It has allowed me to fully relive all the emotions, all the memories of the day we met you.
I remember the seemingly endless drive to Ohio. We were filled with nerves. We had so much to talk about but could barely carry on a conversation because of the excitement we were experiencing. I remember daddy looking back at the empty carseat in the backseat and commenting on how it would be occuppied the next day.
I remember the night before, resting peacefully as so many had prayed for a restful night for us. We went out to dinner, went to the hotel, got our outfits ready for the big placement ceremony. We wanted everything to be perfect when we met you. Every experience was our "last" but not in a sad way - in a sentimental way marking how we had waited and prayed so long for our miracle.
I am reminded of the call - we knew Sara was meeting with you before she'd place you in our arms but the call came an hour earlier than we were told. We were so nervous walking into the room, not knowing what you'd look like. All we knew was how tiny we were told you'd be.
And finally - we laid eyes on you. What is remarkable is that I had dreamed about a placement ceremony. I don't know if I've told anyone this, but in November 2006, before we even knew adoption would be how God blessed us with you, I stood in the Vines Center watching placement ceremonies on the jumbo-trons during a fundraiser Winter Market the Godparent Home was having. I teared up as I watched Dr. Falwell place percious little ones into the waiting arms of their adoptive parents. In my heart of hearts - without knowing ANYTHING at that point - I knew one thing - I knew one day that would be me. I didn't know it would be you, but I knew God was already preparing my heart for the day we'd meet.
May 31, 2008.
A newly adoptive family said it best just the other day: "Now we know why this took so long - she wasn't born yet!"
It's true. The first interview, the second, even the other birthmothers I met in the home were all a part of God's perfect plan - but the entire time He had already chosen YOU for US.
I have fully embraced the way God orchestrated each and every step of our adoption - each and every part of the journey that led to that priceless moment of when you were placed in our arms. But what I have been quick to forget is how God PLACES families together.
You were placed in our lives specifically for us. And all the other circumstances, the disappointments, the failures, the heartaches, the confusion, happened so God could show His Sovereignty and might by bringing our family together.
What I am thankful for is the reminder - to reminisce of the day we met. To remember how God answered our prayers - but what it so important to remember is not that God answered our prayers for a baby...but that He answered our prayers to become a family. He had a plan. He knew all along. It wasn't just that we were meant to be adoptive parents - we were meant to be YOUR adoptive parents. I know that full well and I'm thankful for the reminder that there are no accidents in the life of a child of God.
Elijah, you have blessed my life more than I can even put into words. Your curious exploration reminds me not to miss the little things. Your zeal and excitement remind me to let my joy be complete in Christ. But mostly, you remind me every time I look at your sweet face that God hears the prayers of His people and He answers. I am quick to add that the answer isn't always yes to what we want. Even when the answer seems like a "no" it just means He has a greater yes planned. I love you baby boy. You are my answer to prayer.
Showing posts with label God's Faithfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Faithfulness. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
One of the waiting moms I've been able to get to know through our adoption process is now a mommy. She sent me pictures holding her sweet baby girl. Would you believe she resembles her adoptive mom?! Isn't God good???
The agency sent out photos of a recent placement. I cried tears of joy and sorrow as I watched the birthmother place this baby boy in the adoptive parents arms. I was joyful for him and his new adoptive family. But you see, I've gotten to know the birthmom and I felt her pain. It's such a bittersweet journey - for both families involved.
Even still, as I shared advice with my friend who now finds herself suddenly raising an infant, it was hard for me to remember exactly what Elijah was like at two months old. That was only eight months ago. It hasn't even been a year. And at the same time, I keep asking myself where has the time gone?!
I have watched him grow and change and develop so drastically in the past 10 months and it is remarkable. I'm so thankful I have documented his milestones - and even the silly little accomplishments - in a calendar that I've been keeping since placement day. I can flip back and read through the memories and suddenly it comes flooding back to me.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and the way God brings families together through this process. I am so happy for my friend and the joy she's now experiencing after waiting and longing to be a mother for so long. I am so proud of my friend who chose life for her baby and then sacrifically showed love so he could have an adoptive family to raise him. I am so thankful for my own baby, who doesn't seem like a little baby at all, but who blesses my life each and every day with every smile, babble, and even those big milestones, too!
The agency sent out photos of a recent placement. I cried tears of joy and sorrow as I watched the birthmother place this baby boy in the adoptive parents arms. I was joyful for him and his new adoptive family. But you see, I've gotten to know the birthmom and I felt her pain. It's such a bittersweet journey - for both families involved.
Even still, as I shared advice with my friend who now finds herself suddenly raising an infant, it was hard for me to remember exactly what Elijah was like at two months old. That was only eight months ago. It hasn't even been a year. And at the same time, I keep asking myself where has the time gone?!
I have watched him grow and change and develop so drastically in the past 10 months and it is remarkable. I'm so thankful I have documented his milestones - and even the silly little accomplishments - in a calendar that I've been keeping since placement day. I can flip back and read through the memories and suddenly it comes flooding back to me.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and the way God brings families together through this process. I am so happy for my friend and the joy she's now experiencing after waiting and longing to be a mother for so long. I am so proud of my friend who chose life for her baby and then sacrifically showed love so he could have an adoptive family to raise him. I am so thankful for my own baby, who doesn't seem like a little baby at all, but who blesses my life each and every day with every smile, babble, and even those big milestones, too!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Reflections
Disclaimer: Some of you will have no idea why I'm sharing this. Others of you, I believe, need to hear this.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
To Our Precious Friends and Family,
It is with overwhelming hearts we write to you this Christmas season. This time last year we were celebrating the season in full swing, but also so aware of the absence of a child we were praying for. In between wrapping presents and baking cookies, we were wrapping up our home study and finishing our adoption album. We hung an ornament that served as a faith promise of the miracle we were expecting. It simply read, "For Unto Us a Child is Born."
By now you more than know the story. Our baby boy was born on May 9 and placed in our arms on May 31. It is impossible to recount all the little miracles that occurred during the process that lead us to Elijah, but suffice to say we saw God's hand in each and every step.
Last Christmas we sent out prayer cards as we pursued our adoption journey. Little did we know this Christmas we'd be celebrating with our son! We've hung a new ornament this year - it reads "Baby's First Christmas." It's just beside the other ornament - both reminders of God's faithfulness. Every time we look at Elijah we are reminded of God's answer to prayer. We rejoice this Christmas in the gift of life - the gift of a baby sent to forever change our lives.
The Christmas story is such a beautiful portrayal of the journey we've experienced. Mary, a pregnant unwed teenager. Joseph, willing to love and raise a child that wasn't genetically his. Jesus, from humble beginnings to a humiliating death. He came to give life - eternal life. God, Heavenly Father, seeing fit to give up His rights to His one and only son so we can be adopted as sons and daughters.
If the lights sparkle brighter - it's only because Elijah is so fascinated by them. If the presents look prettier - it's only because Elijah wants to tear into them. If Christmas seems a little more exciting - it's only because we are celebrating with our baby boy. This little life is a reminder of the everlasting life and abundant joy we celebrate this season.
We pray the miracle of Christmas is alive in your heart. Celebrate and rejoice with us! A baby changes everything...
Merry Christmas!
Ed, Carrie & Elijah
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Answered Prayers
Elijah,
When we sought our journey to adopt, we kept our plans quiet at first. Once we got through the initial stages of training and preparation and paperwork, we felt compelled to share our story - not in an effort to solicit empathy or attention, but rather to allow participation. We felt our journey was a way to share with others the miracle of adoption, educating and providing awareness, but more importantly allowing others to participate by joining with us in praying for a miracle.
So many people joined with us as we prayed and waited and went through the emotional ups and downs of interviews and waiting for our child. In November, I was given the opportunity to share our story for the ladies Thanksgiving banquet. We were each given a name to pray for of one of the ladies present. I had never met my prayer warrior and she hadn't met me, but after hearing our story she committed to praying for the child God had for us.
In God's providential plan, she would meet "Riley" - a foster baby. He was being fostered by a family whose grandson was marrying her granddaughter. That "Riley" is you, our Elijah, and she met you before we even did. She had no idea - at the time - that you were to be our child, but after we put it all together, we were all amazed at how good God is.
And then there's Ramey. Ramey is someone I've never met and won't be able to until heaven. Just days ago, she lost her battle to an aggressive brain tumor. But today, one of her good friends shared with me how in the fight of her life she was praying for me, for daddy and for you. She didn't want to focus on her pain and her depressing situation, so she asked about others and she heard about our story. They told her how we were waiting and praying for a baby. And she too started praying.
She had never met us and we had never met her. We were praying for her healing and for God's touch in her life and all the while, she was praying for God to work in our lives. In what would become some of her last days on earth, she heard how God had answered our prayers. Just like we were told 'no' to having our own children, she was not given the miracle of healing. But she was given the hope that a Sovereign God has a perfect plan for each and every life. God's plan for her was to bring her to her heavenly home and God's plan for us was bring you to our home.
"Trust God when He says no
You're still blessed
There must be a greater yes."
Thank you Jesus that you answer prayers. Though they are not always answered in the way we think or hope, we have the assurance that there is always a greater yes.
When we sought our journey to adopt, we kept our plans quiet at first. Once we got through the initial stages of training and preparation and paperwork, we felt compelled to share our story - not in an effort to solicit empathy or attention, but rather to allow participation. We felt our journey was a way to share with others the miracle of adoption, educating and providing awareness, but more importantly allowing others to participate by joining with us in praying for a miracle.
So many people joined with us as we prayed and waited and went through the emotional ups and downs of interviews and waiting for our child. In November, I was given the opportunity to share our story for the ladies Thanksgiving banquet. We were each given a name to pray for of one of the ladies present. I had never met my prayer warrior and she hadn't met me, but after hearing our story she committed to praying for the child God had for us.
In God's providential plan, she would meet "Riley" - a foster baby. He was being fostered by a family whose grandson was marrying her granddaughter. That "Riley" is you, our Elijah, and she met you before we even did. She had no idea - at the time - that you were to be our child, but after we put it all together, we were all amazed at how good God is.
And then there's Ramey. Ramey is someone I've never met and won't be able to until heaven. Just days ago, she lost her battle to an aggressive brain tumor. But today, one of her good friends shared with me how in the fight of her life she was praying for me, for daddy and for you. She didn't want to focus on her pain and her depressing situation, so she asked about others and she heard about our story. They told her how we were waiting and praying for a baby. And she too started praying.
She had never met us and we had never met her. We were praying for her healing and for God's touch in her life and all the while, she was praying for God to work in our lives. In what would become some of her last days on earth, she heard how God had answered our prayers. Just like we were told 'no' to having our own children, she was not given the miracle of healing. But she was given the hope that a Sovereign God has a perfect plan for each and every life. God's plan for her was to bring her to her heavenly home and God's plan for us was bring you to our home.
"Trust God when He says no
You're still blessed
There must be a greater yes."
Thank you Jesus that you answer prayers. Though they are not always answered in the way we think or hope, we have the assurance that there is always a greater yes.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Sweet Lovin'
Oh buddy boy, you are the most precious thing I have ever laid eyes on! I can't stop kissing those ever plumping cheeks! You are just the sweetest thing. Today someone was holding you while I was talking and you were turning your head to find me because you heard my voice. You certainly know how to make your mommy feel good! When daddy came home today he was giving you love and you turned your head right towards him - wide-eyed and bright, grabbing at his face. Does his goatee tickle your face?! You don't seem to mind our incessant kisses. We just can't stop smothering you with sweet lovin'!
Mommy's friend Erin told us before we went to pick you up that she was specifically praying you would immediately bond with us and know that we are your mommy and daddy. Little one, we have yet another answer to prayer.
You stayed up for a good part of today, even after you decided to wake up every two hours last night. We sat on the porch with Nana and the dogs for over an hour tonight. It was so pretty outside - and you LOVE the warm weather. You sat in Nana's lap and then in your bouncy seat, just as content as can be. You just love being outdoors.
You are so much fun and you continue to make us laugh with all your faces. I look at you and wonder what color your eyes will be - they're still blue/grey. I think about how you already express your strong-willed personality when you don't want to go to sleep or we can't get your bottle fast enough. I whisper prayers over you as you sleep - praying for God to keep you in the palm of His hand. I pray for you to come to an early knowledge of Christ and that you will be His child. I realize I am just a steward. Yes, I am your mommy, but God has only entrusted me with the privilege of raising you. You are His, Elijah.
Have I ever told you how you got your name? Mommy and Daddy couldn't decide. We had talked about Noah, Evan, Riley Cane, Canaan...but we couldn't pick. We held you for 10 minutes and still hadn't chosen your name. Sara, your birthmother, named you Riley and we felt it was honoring and fitting to keep that as part of your name. We finally looked at you and decided Elijah Riley. Elijah is the first name Daddy read in the Bible after he got saved. He didn't grow up going to church and learning about the Lord, but when he was 20 he gave his heart to Jesus and that was a name that was significant to him.
Elijah was a prophet in the Bible, but more importantly, your name means "The Lord is My God." Oh, how I pray that for you, dear child. I pray He will be your God. I pray you will know the depths of His love, the grip of His hand upon your life. Hold onto Jesus, baby. I will only be able to hold onto you for so long, but He will never let you go.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Elijah,
We're Home! Praise the Lord - we got home at 3:45 a.m. You were the best passenger we could have hoped for! We only had to stop once to feed and change you - you slept the rest of the way. A few times you would start to stir and I would put my hand on your bell or around your face and you would calm down. Do you already know my touch?
I just have to tell you what happened, dear one, because God deserves all the glory! We sat with the caseworker last Saturday, signing everything before we got to meet you, and asked her if we'd be home by Friday. Her response was, "Not to get your hopes up. It is VERY unlikely." I told her she didn't know what God had already been doing and it was VERY likely for Him.
We spent time as close to the Pennsylvania border as we could be without leaving the state so that your grandparents could come and see you. Oh, how they love you! Elijah, I have to admit - I was so worried that daddy's parents might react differently because you're not 'our blood'...but Papa is smitten with you! I have never seen him so tenderhearted, so loving. Praise the Lord!
After we'd had enough of the hotel, we went to stay with Jacob & Heather. 14 years ago, Heather and her family came to Hyland Heights for her dad to be the pastor. Pastor Carl married your mommy and daddy, and next week, he'll dedicate you in church next Sunday on Father's Day. I cannot wait! Nana helped pick out your precious little outfit. You have to look handsome - it's your big debut! So many people have been waiting and praying for this day. They can't wait to meet you.
Anyway, back to the story - sorry dear, I tend to do that. We got the email on Thursday saying Ohio sent our paperwork to Virginia. So I called and we waited. I called and we waited. There was a problem with a form. They sent the new form. We waited. And by 4:30 yesterday afternoon, we got the approval to GO HOME! The director said on the phone, "This never happens this quickly." I responded without hesitation, "Ma'am, I'm holding a miracle in my arms as we speak - I can't imagine God would stop there."
Baby boy, our God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty, there's nothing our God cannot do! (I will teach you the motions to that song when you're bigger.) He gave us you. He brought us to you. And now He brought us home.
What an absolute miracle!
We're Home! Praise the Lord - we got home at 3:45 a.m. You were the best passenger we could have hoped for! We only had to stop once to feed and change you - you slept the rest of the way. A few times you would start to stir and I would put my hand on your bell or around your face and you would calm down. Do you already know my touch?
I just have to tell you what happened, dear one, because God deserves all the glory! We sat with the caseworker last Saturday, signing everything before we got to meet you, and asked her if we'd be home by Friday. Her response was, "Not to get your hopes up. It is VERY unlikely." I told her she didn't know what God had already been doing and it was VERY likely for Him.
We spent time as close to the Pennsylvania border as we could be without leaving the state so that your grandparents could come and see you. Oh, how they love you! Elijah, I have to admit - I was so worried that daddy's parents might react differently because you're not 'our blood'...but Papa is smitten with you! I have never seen him so tenderhearted, so loving. Praise the Lord!
After we'd had enough of the hotel, we went to stay with Jacob & Heather. 14 years ago, Heather and her family came to Hyland Heights for her dad to be the pastor. Pastor Carl married your mommy and daddy, and next week, he'll dedicate you in church next Sunday on Father's Day. I cannot wait! Nana helped pick out your precious little outfit. You have to look handsome - it's your big debut! So many people have been waiting and praying for this day. They can't wait to meet you.
Anyway, back to the story - sorry dear, I tend to do that. We got the email on Thursday saying Ohio sent our paperwork to Virginia. So I called and we waited. I called and we waited. There was a problem with a form. They sent the new form. We waited. And by 4:30 yesterday afternoon, we got the approval to GO HOME! The director said on the phone, "This never happens this quickly." I responded without hesitation, "Ma'am, I'm holding a miracle in my arms as we speak - I can't imagine God would stop there."
Baby boy, our God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty, there's nothing our God cannot do! (I will teach you the motions to that song when you're bigger.) He gave us you. He brought us to you. And now He brought us home.
What an absolute miracle!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
What a Miracle
There are so many new discoveries that happen with each passing hour. Although we'd like nothing more than to be settling in at home, we realize this Ohio family vacation is a blessing - allowing us the chance to just be the three of us for awhile. 
We know there are so many who have faithfully prayed and now you're rejoicing with us as we celebrate Elijah. Truly, he is an answer to prayer. We are in the midst of a miracle and we hope you know that we are so appreciative for your prayers and support. This little boy is not just our miracle - he is here to bring God glory. I don't know what miracle you may need, what touch from God you might need to feel, but I need you to know that he is living, breathing proof that God hears and answers prayers.
When I asked God for a baby, he didn't say no. When we got test results saying we couldn't have our own baby, he didn't say no. When we waited and prayed for the baby in Brazil, he didn't say no. When we went through two other interviews with birthmothers, he didn't say no. No, He simply was saying, "Wait. I have a plan." And here he is. Elijah Riley is our our answer to prayer - our "Greater Yes."
Our first night wasn't so bad. He slept from 12 until 4, ate and went back to sleep until 6:30 when he needed to be changed and, apparently, felt like a little snack. He was wide awake until 7:00 and then we both finally dozed off. We had to wake him at 9:30. He slept from noon until 6, waking only to eat. Poor little guy has had a lot going on in his little life these past few days.
After dinner, we enjoyed some precious time with him wide awake for more than an hour. He laid and looked at me, then Ed. We played and laughed and talked to him and held him. I can't imagine that I would love him any more if I had given birth to him. He is mine - that's all there is to it. My heart knows it, and I'm pretty sure he knows it. Oh, and he absolutely LOVES his daddy. As I type, he is laying in dad's arms just staring at him. He has worked his way into our hearts in a way that has ruined us for life! We are Little Eli's parents!
My Sweet Boy...
Elijah,
You are the most beautiful baby. You are such a gift from God. I am so enthralled with you, my son. I look at you and try to study your face. I want to memorize every detail.
I love how you get so excited about meal time - you are teeny tiny but have a healthy appetite! You'll be growing up before I even realize it. It is so fun to see you wide awake after your belly is full - looking around, looking at me and daddy. Do you know how much we love you?
I love all your funny faces. The way you make little "O's" with your mouth when you're getting hungry. The way you crack half a grin, just enough to show a slight dimple on the right side. It makes me laugh every time I see that little scowl - the way you furrow your brow and look around like someone has made you mad. If it's possible, I would say you have already learned that from your daddy.
Elijah, he loves you so much. You are "his boy." That's all he ever wanted and now you're here. You are small enough to fit with your head in the palm of his hand and your body resting on his forearm - but you would much rather be snuggled closely under his chin, resting on his chest. My boys. I love you both so much.
Daddy snuggled in bed with me this morning, too. We laid there in each other's arms, just staring at you. We've waited for you for so long.
I longed for someone I had never met - and now you're here. I ached to feel a baby I would never bear - and now you're in my arms. I loved someone before I knew he existed - and on May 31, 2008, you forever changed my world.
My boy, my sweet baby boy, I love you.
Masterpiece
By Sandi Patti
Before you had a name or opened up your eyes,
Or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God’s safe and hidden place.
With your tiny hands and Little tiny feet
And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl.
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece
A new creation He has formed
And you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me
Little Lamb of God, you are a masterpiece.
And now you're growing up your life's a miracle
Everytime I look at you I stand in awe
Because I see in you a reflection of me
And you'll always be my little lamb from God
And as your life goes on each day
How I pray that you will see
Just how much your life has meant to me.
And I'm so proud of youWhat else is there to say?
Just be the masterpiece He created you to be.
You are the most beautiful baby. You are such a gift from God. I am so enthralled with you, my son. I look at you and try to study your face. I want to memorize every detail.
I love how you get so excited about meal time - you are teeny tiny but have a healthy appetite! You'll be growing up before I even realize it. It is so fun to see you wide awake after your belly is full - looking around, looking at me and daddy. Do you know how much we love you?
I love all your funny faces. The way you make little "O's" with your mouth when you're getting hungry. The way you crack half a grin, just enough to show a slight dimple on the right side. It makes me laugh every time I see that little scowl - the way you furrow your brow and look around like someone has made you mad. If it's possible, I would say you have already learned that from your daddy.
Elijah, he loves you so much. You are "his boy." That's all he ever wanted and now you're here. You are small enough to fit with your head in the palm of his hand and your body resting on his forearm - but you would much rather be snuggled closely under his chin, resting on his chest. My boys. I love you both so much.
Daddy snuggled in bed with me this morning, too. We laid there in each other's arms, just staring at you. We've waited for you for so long.
I longed for someone I had never met - and now you're here. I ached to feel a baby I would never bear - and now you're in my arms. I loved someone before I knew he existed - and on May 31, 2008, you forever changed my world.
My boy, my sweet baby boy, I love you.
Masterpiece
By Sandi Patti
Before you had a name or opened up your eyes,
Or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God’s safe and hidden place.
With your tiny hands and Little tiny feet
And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl.
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece
A new creation He has formed
And you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me
Little Lamb of God, you are a masterpiece.
And now you're growing up your life's a miracle
Everytime I look at you I stand in awe
Because I see in you a reflection of me
And you'll always be my little lamb from God
And as your life goes on each day
How I pray that you will see
Just how much your life has meant to me.
And I'm so proud of youWhat else is there to say?
Just be the masterpiece He created you to be.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Going to Get Our Boy!
Exactly one year ago today (5/29), these were the words I wrote in my journal:
"One of the things I set before me at the beginning of this year was to see God invade my faith walk through the journey of having a baby. I should be careful what I pray for! For more than a year, having a baby consumed me. Now I've seemed to move on to adopting. I can't wait to get started. But I sense God telling me to wait. I feel a deeper longing and that is for His peace. I have believed the desire of my heart was to become a mother but now I realize it's something more - it is to know my God, to have His peace in my life and to serve Him with all that I am. I'm laying it all down, Lord. I surrender. I give up the fight. I only want you. Help my longings to be filled with only you. Oh God, my heart cries out for YOU. May you satisfy me to the point of overflowing. May this journey - wherever it leads - take me to You."
In just two days, we will meet our son. Our "Gotcha' Day" will be May 31, 2008, just three weeks after he was born. We will travel to Ohio on Friday and the birthmother will place him in our arms just after noon on Saturday. These are truly prayers directly answered by our Sovereign and Faithful God.
I can honestly tell you this has been a journey of faith. By the grace of God, I have never asked "why"...I have always known this is what God has planned. I haven't always understood, and it certainly hasn't all been easy, but His providential plan is now unfolding.
Everyone kept saying, "When you look back, you'll see how God worked it all out." Can I just tell you that being in the middle of the center of God's will PRESENTLY HAPPENING in our lives is UNBELIEVABLE!!!
If I have asked why it has been to wonder why He's been so good to us, why He's blessed us beyond what we deserve. All I know to tell you is when I prayed for a baby - MY BABY - He did not say "no"...He answered with a GREATER YES. No, it was not my plan. No, it was not what I would have chosen. But praise God, His greater yes was so much more than I could have ever asked for!
Pray with us. We will remain in Ohio for 7-10 days while we wait for the court to terminate birthfather rights and give us permanent and unrevokable custody (hmm, isn't that like God's adoption of us as His chosen sons and daughters?!).
We cannot wait for you to meet our son!
"One of the things I set before me at the beginning of this year was to see God invade my faith walk through the journey of having a baby. I should be careful what I pray for! For more than a year, having a baby consumed me. Now I've seemed to move on to adopting. I can't wait to get started. But I sense God telling me to wait. I feel a deeper longing and that is for His peace. I have believed the desire of my heart was to become a mother but now I realize it's something more - it is to know my God, to have His peace in my life and to serve Him with all that I am. I'm laying it all down, Lord. I surrender. I give up the fight. I only want you. Help my longings to be filled with only you. Oh God, my heart cries out for YOU. May you satisfy me to the point of overflowing. May this journey - wherever it leads - take me to You."
In just two days, we will meet our son. Our "Gotcha' Day" will be May 31, 2008, just three weeks after he was born. We will travel to Ohio on Friday and the birthmother will place him in our arms just after noon on Saturday. These are truly prayers directly answered by our Sovereign and Faithful God.
I can honestly tell you this has been a journey of faith. By the grace of God, I have never asked "why"...I have always known this is what God has planned. I haven't always understood, and it certainly hasn't all been easy, but His providential plan is now unfolding.
Everyone kept saying, "When you look back, you'll see how God worked it all out." Can I just tell you that being in the middle of the center of God's will PRESENTLY HAPPENING in our lives is UNBELIEVABLE!!!
If I have asked why it has been to wonder why He's been so good to us, why He's blessed us beyond what we deserve. All I know to tell you is when I prayed for a baby - MY BABY - He did not say "no"...He answered with a GREATER YES. No, it was not my plan. No, it was not what I would have chosen. But praise God, His greater yes was so much more than I could have ever asked for!
Pray with us. We will remain in Ohio for 7-10 days while we wait for the court to terminate birthfather rights and give us permanent and unrevokable custody (hmm, isn't that like God's adoption of us as His chosen sons and daughters?!).
We cannot wait for you to meet our son!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
God is So Good!
Jehovah Jireh - our provider.
We got an email Saturday with 35 pages of paperwork to complete and an 18 point checklist of action items to complete for the adoption. We were so discouraged, thinking placement would be weeks away - especially when we found out our background checks might have to be repeated and that would take 4 weeks.
I just have to tell you that GOD IS SO GOOD! In just 3 days, we've managed to check off every item but one on the list and fill out all the paperwork. All we have left to do is the Baby Care class and that takes place tomorrow night. We asked you to pray specifically for those background checks and GOD ANSWERED! (Are we surprised? Why don't we have more faith?!) We found out today they don't have to be repeated...PRAISE THE LORD!
We talked to the agency in Ohio today and they work quickly and efficiently (apparently). We still don't know when placement might be but we did find out we'll need to be in Ohio for a week to 10 days. We will have the baby with us the entire time, though, so that will be some good bonding time - a mini family vacation - maybe?!
We are just elated - overjoyed - beyond blessed that God has answered every single prayer. Seriously, every single detail He has worked out and orchestrated each part of the process.
It hasn't been an easy journey. My labor pains and stretch marks have come in the form of mountains of paperwork and an adoption loan...but soon - very soon - we will hold our son in our arms. To Him be all the glory!
We got an email Saturday with 35 pages of paperwork to complete and an 18 point checklist of action items to complete for the adoption. We were so discouraged, thinking placement would be weeks away - especially when we found out our background checks might have to be repeated and that would take 4 weeks.
I just have to tell you that GOD IS SO GOOD! In just 3 days, we've managed to check off every item but one on the list and fill out all the paperwork. All we have left to do is the Baby Care class and that takes place tomorrow night. We asked you to pray specifically for those background checks and GOD ANSWERED! (Are we surprised? Why don't we have more faith?!) We found out today they don't have to be repeated...PRAISE THE LORD!
We talked to the agency in Ohio today and they work quickly and efficiently (apparently). We still don't know when placement might be but we did find out we'll need to be in Ohio for a week to 10 days. We will have the baby with us the entire time, though, so that will be some good bonding time - a mini family vacation - maybe?!
We are just elated - overjoyed - beyond blessed that God has answered every single prayer. Seriously, every single detail He has worked out and orchestrated each part of the process.
It hasn't been an easy journey. My labor pains and stretch marks have come in the form of mountains of paperwork and an adoption loan...but soon - very soon - we will hold our son in our arms. To Him be all the glory!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
It's a BOY!
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8
Have you heard?! God is good - oh yes, all the time.
We had an interview this week. It was the third birthmother we've interviewed with. She was quiet and shy and didn't make eye contact at first - but then throughout the interview, she opened up, we laughed and talked and we left feeling good about it, but knowing that anything can happen. We've learned to remain somewhat guarded after the first two interviews didn't result in a baby.
We prayed all week for wisdom and peace and discernment - but most importantly we prayed for God's perfect will. Thursday was a big day. We knew the birthmother was meeting the second and final couple. We prayed all day. That morning I knew God had given me a perfect peace about this baby and it was the first time I allowed myself to pray specifically for him to be ours. It wasn't until we got home from work that Ed shared he had felt the same peace come to him that day. No sooner had we discussed it, the phone rang.
Our caseworker was on the line saying we needed to come back in on Friday. Ed said he thought it was a trick for her to tell us she picked us, but I did NOT want to get my hopes up.
When we got there Friday morning, we made small talk for awhile and then she asked if we remembered when we were talking about Winnie the Pooh. In our interview she asked if the baby could watch Winnie the Pooh because she grew up with it and loved it. This time she said she had something to show us - and pulled out a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal holding Piglet and a hand-written card.
It read: "There's a boy named Riley and he needs parents and I'm hoping you can help him out because I'm let'n ya know I want you to be his!"
We were so overwhelmed we were speechless! We couldn't speak, cry, react - we just sat stunned. I was shaking - literally shaking. She had chosen us to raise this little boy - to be his parents - to love him and raise him in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. Oh how unbelievably blessed we are!
Riley is the name she has chosen and we have decided to keep that as part of his name. We can't decide if Elijah or Noah will be his first name - or Ed has suggested Riley Cane - as in Hurricanes. He's so excited, he already bought him Miami onesies, hat and pacifier!
And now the fun begins - we scramble to get together a nursery so everything is ready to bring him home in the next two to four weeks.
We ask for your continued prayers as this is a unique situation where the birthfather hasn't been involved or even located to sign over his rights. There is still a slight risk he could show up, but given the track record thus far, it doesn't seem highly probable. Still, we ask you to pray:
- Baby Riley, as he is in foster care, to be loved and provided for, healthy and to get on a schedule!
- Placement to happen BEFORE Father's Day, June 15
- The birthfather's rights to be terminated quickly and without contest
- Us as we get ready for baby!
We will keep you posted as soon as we know more details. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to continue praying about. We are simply overwhelmed by God's faithfulness, His provision, and His sovereignty.
"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests." Psalm 20:4-5
We know that God has allowed us to take this journey to increase our faith and to show us what He is capable of. Truly, we are witnessing a miracle. We pray that through this, you will experience Him too!
Have you heard?! God is good - oh yes, all the time.
We had an interview this week. It was the third birthmother we've interviewed with. She was quiet and shy and didn't make eye contact at first - but then throughout the interview, she opened up, we laughed and talked and we left feeling good about it, but knowing that anything can happen. We've learned to remain somewhat guarded after the first two interviews didn't result in a baby.
We prayed all week for wisdom and peace and discernment - but most importantly we prayed for God's perfect will. Thursday was a big day. We knew the birthmother was meeting the second and final couple. We prayed all day. That morning I knew God had given me a perfect peace about this baby and it was the first time I allowed myself to pray specifically for him to be ours. It wasn't until we got home from work that Ed shared he had felt the same peace come to him that day. No sooner had we discussed it, the phone rang.
Our caseworker was on the line saying we needed to come back in on Friday. Ed said he thought it was a trick for her to tell us she picked us, but I did NOT want to get my hopes up.
When we got there Friday morning, we made small talk for awhile and then she asked if we remembered when we were talking about Winnie the Pooh. In our interview she asked if the baby could watch Winnie the Pooh because she grew up with it and loved it. This time she said she had something to show us - and pulled out a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal holding Piglet and a hand-written card.
It read: "There's a boy named Riley and he needs parents and I'm hoping you can help him out because I'm let'n ya know I want you to be his!"
We were so overwhelmed we were speechless! We couldn't speak, cry, react - we just sat stunned. I was shaking - literally shaking. She had chosen us to raise this little boy - to be his parents - to love him and raise him in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. Oh how unbelievably blessed we are!
Riley is the name she has chosen and we have decided to keep that as part of his name. We can't decide if Elijah or Noah will be his first name - or Ed has suggested Riley Cane - as in Hurricanes. He's so excited, he already bought him Miami onesies, hat and pacifier!
And now the fun begins - we scramble to get together a nursery so everything is ready to bring him home in the next two to four weeks.
We ask for your continued prayers as this is a unique situation where the birthfather hasn't been involved or even located to sign over his rights. There is still a slight risk he could show up, but given the track record thus far, it doesn't seem highly probable. Still, we ask you to pray:
- Baby Riley, as he is in foster care, to be loved and provided for, healthy and to get on a schedule!
- Placement to happen BEFORE Father's Day, June 15
- The birthfather's rights to be terminated quickly and without contest
- Us as we get ready for baby!
We will keep you posted as soon as we know more details. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to continue praying about. We are simply overwhelmed by God's faithfulness, His provision, and His sovereignty.
"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests." Psalm 20:4-5
We know that God has allowed us to take this journey to increase our faith and to show us what He is capable of. Truly, we are witnessing a miracle. We pray that through this, you will experience Him too!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Unlovable Yet Loved
"The Holy Spirit reveals to me that God loved me not because I was lovable but because it was His nature to do so." -Oswald Chambers
If I ever think, for a second, that I deserve a blessing or have earned an answer to prayer, I must remember that it is by nothing I have done, but by the grace of God. I can't earn His love. I can't be good enough, smart enough, talented enough, or qualified enough to be deserving of His blessings. What I am given and what I have is simply an out-pouring of His goodness.
When I see my accomplishments as my own, or I place myself above those around me, I forfeit the opportunity to fully receive His blessings. When I mistake His goodness for something I've earned, I neglect to see His glory. Instead of giving thanks, I take the credit.
Despite this huge short-coming, He still loves me unconditionally. He chooses to bless me, in spite of myself. Not because I deserve it or earn it. Not because it's a reward for good behavior. It's simply who He is...Jesus, lover of my soul.
"The knowledge that God has loved me beyond all limits will compel me to go into the world to love others in the same way." -O. Chambers
The realization of this gift is my motivation to share His love with others. To love as He loves, to give as He gives, and to know that even the most unlovable are loved.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
How Great Thou Art
I was thousands of feet in the air on a late-night flight back home. My iPod was playing modern-day versions of classic hymns. "Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds they hands have made."
I could literally look out my window and see the stars so close I felt I could just pick one out and take it home with me as a souvenir. Wouldn't that have been nice! The blanket of picturesque clouds below me, yet I could still see the twinkling lights of the city peeking through the mass of white nothingness.
From up here, I can see His creation with such a different perspective. Everything is so small and so numerous. I am looking upon their worlds, wondering who lives in the miniature houses, guessing about their lives and circumstances. Seeing the specks of dust called cars that seem to be crawling at a snail's pace. I can see them and yet I'm not a part of them. Is this what He sees when He looks upon me?
How Great Thou Art. To look upon Your creation, worlds apart from where You are, and yet You hold us in such high esteem. How is it You consider me? How, with the entire world below, do You notice me?
From my humble human state, my view is so blocked by the immediacy of my surroundings and circumstances. But up here, it all seems so small. Life pales in comparison to the vast world below. Up here, I see the grandiosity of this earth, Your people, Your creation. I'm humbled by my lowly state but so thankful You are mindful of me.
All creation cries to You, but does the world below even stop to notice who You are? Do their souls sing of Your greatness?
Help me remember this global perspective; to see what You see. Don't let my vision be blocked by my circumstances. Let my soul sing of How Great You Art!
I could literally look out my window and see the stars so close I felt I could just pick one out and take it home with me as a souvenir. Wouldn't that have been nice! The blanket of picturesque clouds below me, yet I could still see the twinkling lights of the city peeking through the mass of white nothingness.
From up here, I can see His creation with such a different perspective. Everything is so small and so numerous. I am looking upon their worlds, wondering who lives in the miniature houses, guessing about their lives and circumstances. Seeing the specks of dust called cars that seem to be crawling at a snail's pace. I can see them and yet I'm not a part of them. Is this what He sees when He looks upon me?
How Great Thou Art. To look upon Your creation, worlds apart from where You are, and yet You hold us in such high esteem. How is it You consider me? How, with the entire world below, do You notice me?
From my humble human state, my view is so blocked by the immediacy of my surroundings and circumstances. But up here, it all seems so small. Life pales in comparison to the vast world below. Up here, I see the grandiosity of this earth, Your people, Your creation. I'm humbled by my lowly state but so thankful You are mindful of me.
All creation cries to You, but does the world below even stop to notice who You are? Do their souls sing of Your greatness?
Help me remember this global perspective; to see what You see. Don't let my vision be blocked by my circumstances. Let my soul sing of How Great You Art!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Feeding the Flock
We're still on the swirling spinning thriller ride called "Adoption". I liken it to that first big hill that you climb ... and climb ... and climb ... Every part of you anticipates the dramatic drop that will surely throw your stomach into your throat. Once you're down the hill, you gain momentum on the straight-away, only to feel the course violently jerk as you take a sharp turn.
Last week I got to meet the girls currently staying at the Godparent Home. It was so awkward - at first - because of the obvious reasons we were all there. There were birthmoms, waiting moms, adoptive moms. Those who had experienced a miracle, those waiting for one, and others just praying for strength to make it through another day. I met girls far too young to be mothers, but that did not hide the obvious. Their growing bellies seemed a stark contrast to the braces on their teeth. Everything in me wanted to hope they didn't think I was there 'shopping'. I was more than aware of the reality that one of them just might be carrying my future son (or daughter - don't tell Ed I said that!). But I was so conscious to make sure they also knew I genuinely cared about them.
Some of them shared their stories with me. One girl came up and said she thought I was beautiful. Another one noticed how we both put hearts over the "i's" in our names. Before long, I found myself surrounded by 5 or 6 of them. In that moment, I wasn't aware that they were pregnant unwed mothers. I was only aware of the fact that they were teenage girls who I was able to connect with. I was in my element. It was just like my college days when we'd travel to a church and I would find myself in the middle of a pack of teenagers. For some reason, my personality has always been the shepharder. I was so thankful I could be myself and they could be comfortable enough with me for us to look past the real reasons we were both there.
I told Ed that once we're on the 'other side' and we have been able to adopt, I want to minister to them. I want to hang out with them, invite them to our home, let them see a godly example of a husband and wife and adoptive parents. I pray for God to use me in this ministry.
What has resulted is an awareness of praying for them by name. I don't know if they will parent or place; I don't know if one of them will choose us; all I know is the situation they each find themselves in will forever change lives. I pray for them. I pray for the children they're bearing. I pray for the waiting families they may choose to parent their children. God has brought me face-to-face with the question, "Do I love his sheep?" My answer...I want to tend the flock.
Last week I got to meet the girls currently staying at the Godparent Home. It was so awkward - at first - because of the obvious reasons we were all there. There were birthmoms, waiting moms, adoptive moms. Those who had experienced a miracle, those waiting for one, and others just praying for strength to make it through another day. I met girls far too young to be mothers, but that did not hide the obvious. Their growing bellies seemed a stark contrast to the braces on their teeth. Everything in me wanted to hope they didn't think I was there 'shopping'. I was more than aware of the reality that one of them just might be carrying my future son (or daughter - don't tell Ed I said that!). But I was so conscious to make sure they also knew I genuinely cared about them.
Some of them shared their stories with me. One girl came up and said she thought I was beautiful. Another one noticed how we both put hearts over the "i's" in our names. Before long, I found myself surrounded by 5 or 6 of them. In that moment, I wasn't aware that they were pregnant unwed mothers. I was only aware of the fact that they were teenage girls who I was able to connect with. I was in my element. It was just like my college days when we'd travel to a church and I would find myself in the middle of a pack of teenagers. For some reason, my personality has always been the shepharder. I was so thankful I could be myself and they could be comfortable enough with me for us to look past the real reasons we were both there.
I told Ed that once we're on the 'other side' and we have been able to adopt, I want to minister to them. I want to hang out with them, invite them to our home, let them see a godly example of a husband and wife and adoptive parents. I pray for God to use me in this ministry.
What has resulted is an awareness of praying for them by name. I don't know if they will parent or place; I don't know if one of them will choose us; all I know is the situation they each find themselves in will forever change lives. I pray for them. I pray for the children they're bearing. I pray for the waiting families they may choose to parent their children. God has brought me face-to-face with the question, "Do I love his sheep?" My answer...I want to tend the flock.
Monday, February 4, 2008
What are you waiting for?
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and you rminds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Have you wondered, like I did, what "supplication" means? I've come across the most profound meaning - continuance in earnest. So I am to continue in earnest prayer, making my requests known to God.
The means I'm allowed the opportunity to pour out my heart to Him, over and over again. What's more is that I'm given the assurance that his perfect peace will help me understand whatever answer to prayer I receive.
I was praying specifically for something this weekend. I asked God for an answer on or before our 6th anniversary (February 2). I received my answer. It wasn't yes or no...the answer was "continue to wait." Ordinarily, that would not have been good enough for me. But I knew that God had not only answered my request, but He had also given me such perfect peace to understand now was not HIS time.
Then God gave me Psalm 13. David is crying out to God, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" (v.1) That's how I felt. As if I was praying and crying out to God, but that He wasn't answering. All the while, I knew He heard. I knew He was listening, but His lack of response somehow translated to me as a lack of interest. And yet, as Psalm 13:5-6 says, "But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me."
Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane is a familiar scene. Mark 14:34, Jesus prays, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorry to the point of death..."
I find comfort in knowing my Savior was so overwhelmed with the literal cross He was given to bear that He could barely find the words to pray. His situation so overcame Him with sorrow, He could not imagine living through it.
Vs. 36, "Abba, Father....everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me."
Everything is possible for God! He CAN remove the trial. Do we have enough faith to be so bold to ask Him to change our circumstances?
He continues..."Yet not what I will, but what you will."
If removing the trial means I miss the greater blessing, if it means not being part of His perfect plan, that I choose His will over mine.
Vs. 39, "Once more He went away and prayed the SAME THING."
It's more than okay to make our requests known to God. In fact, it's necessary. We can and should plead and ask and rest confidently knowing that He hears. It doesn't mean He'll answer the way we want Him too, though. We have to be willing to go to Him and ask for the trial to be removed. We have to have the faith that He can do it. But we also must be prepared for His response that might say, "No, I need you to walk through this. Trust me. I have a plan."
Even if the cross we bear means certain death -whether literal like Christ's or emotional like most of us face - we can rest in knowing His perfect will being accomplished means He will be glorified!
So, I continue to wait and continue in earnest prayer. I'm making my requests known to God.
Have you wondered, like I did, what "supplication" means? I've come across the most profound meaning - continuance in earnest. So I am to continue in earnest prayer, making my requests known to God.
The means I'm allowed the opportunity to pour out my heart to Him, over and over again. What's more is that I'm given the assurance that his perfect peace will help me understand whatever answer to prayer I receive.
I was praying specifically for something this weekend. I asked God for an answer on or before our 6th anniversary (February 2). I received my answer. It wasn't yes or no...the answer was "continue to wait." Ordinarily, that would not have been good enough for me. But I knew that God had not only answered my request, but He had also given me such perfect peace to understand now was not HIS time.
Then God gave me Psalm 13. David is crying out to God, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" (v.1) That's how I felt. As if I was praying and crying out to God, but that He wasn't answering. All the while, I knew He heard. I knew He was listening, but His lack of response somehow translated to me as a lack of interest. And yet, as Psalm 13:5-6 says, "But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me."
Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane is a familiar scene. Mark 14:34, Jesus prays, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorry to the point of death..."
I find comfort in knowing my Savior was so overwhelmed with the literal cross He was given to bear that He could barely find the words to pray. His situation so overcame Him with sorrow, He could not imagine living through it.
Vs. 36, "Abba, Father....everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me."
Everything is possible for God! He CAN remove the trial. Do we have enough faith to be so bold to ask Him to change our circumstances?
He continues..."Yet not what I will, but what you will."
If removing the trial means I miss the greater blessing, if it means not being part of His perfect plan, that I choose His will over mine.
Vs. 39, "Once more He went away and prayed the SAME THING."
It's more than okay to make our requests known to God. In fact, it's necessary. We can and should plead and ask and rest confidently knowing that He hears. It doesn't mean He'll answer the way we want Him too, though. We have to be willing to go to Him and ask for the trial to be removed. We have to have the faith that He can do it. But we also must be prepared for His response that might say, "No, I need you to walk through this. Trust me. I have a plan."
Even if the cross we bear means certain death -whether literal like Christ's or emotional like most of us face - we can rest in knowing His perfect will being accomplished means He will be glorified!
So, I continue to wait and continue in earnest prayer. I'm making my requests known to God.
Friday, January 18, 2008
God Speaking
Waiting. When the answer is not "no" or "yes" but just "not right now" waiting can be the most difficult burden to bear. I understand this holding pattern. Our current situation lends itself to no answers, no news, just waiting. Praise God, all of our paperwork is into the agency - as well as the album - and now we wait. Not really knowing how to plan, when God will move, or exactly what His plan is. Yet, in the midst of my waiting, He is not silent!
I praise the Lord for giving me such splendid words of hope and encouragement, such feasting for my soul. A friend recently shared she was having a hard time even reading those verses of promise. I understand that. Sometimes it is hard to hear that God has a plan, to be still and wait for the Lord, or to rest under His wing. Why? Because when you're waiting for YOUR answer, your ears aren't always attuned to His voice. When we are only listening for the direct answer to our request, and when we don't hear it right away, our carnal flesh has the tendency to tune everything else out. Sometimes we even miss His voice.
"December 21, 2006 - My Anthem" is written in the margin of my Bible beside Psalm 37:4-7. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before teh Lord and wait patiently for Him..."
When I started cross-referencing this verse only recently, I found such riches!
Job 22:26-27 talks about finding delight in the Almighty, praying to Him and the promise that He will hear! Let Him be your delight. Know that your prayers do not fall on deaf ears - He hears!
Isaiah 58:14 says I will find Joy in the Lord and feast on the promised land! There is joy to be found in our Savior. He will not disappoint! Even if it is not the answer you are searching for, He still brings joy.
Jeremiah 29:13 and Isaiah 58:9 assure us He will hear and answer, "Here am I." Yes, He will answer. It may not be the answer you are looking for, but rest assured, He is there and always listening to you.
Beloved, do you know how good it is to hear His voice...even in times when you're not hearing the answer you so desperately seek?
Be still and wait patiently - one of the hardest things to do. Why do we do it? Because He will turn to you and hear your cry (Psalm 40:1). How do we do it? Finding rest in Him alone and putting our hope in Him (Psalm 62:5).
God is still speaking. He is ever-present and these 'quiet' times prove He still has something to say.
I praise the Lord for giving me such splendid words of hope and encouragement, such feasting for my soul. A friend recently shared she was having a hard time even reading those verses of promise. I understand that. Sometimes it is hard to hear that God has a plan, to be still and wait for the Lord, or to rest under His wing. Why? Because when you're waiting for YOUR answer, your ears aren't always attuned to His voice. When we are only listening for the direct answer to our request, and when we don't hear it right away, our carnal flesh has the tendency to tune everything else out. Sometimes we even miss His voice.
"December 21, 2006 - My Anthem" is written in the margin of my Bible beside Psalm 37:4-7. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before teh Lord and wait patiently for Him..."
When I started cross-referencing this verse only recently, I found such riches!
Job 22:26-27 talks about finding delight in the Almighty, praying to Him and the promise that He will hear! Let Him be your delight. Know that your prayers do not fall on deaf ears - He hears!
Isaiah 58:14 says I will find Joy in the Lord and feast on the promised land! There is joy to be found in our Savior. He will not disappoint! Even if it is not the answer you are searching for, He still brings joy.
Jeremiah 29:13 and Isaiah 58:9 assure us He will hear and answer, "Here am I." Yes, He will answer. It may not be the answer you are looking for, but rest assured, He is there and always listening to you.
Beloved, do you know how good it is to hear His voice...even in times when you're not hearing the answer you so desperately seek?
Be still and wait patiently - one of the hardest things to do. Why do we do it? Because He will turn to you and hear your cry (Psalm 40:1). How do we do it? Finding rest in Him alone and putting our hope in Him (Psalm 62:5).
God is still speaking. He is ever-present and these 'quiet' times prove He still has something to say.
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