One Year Ago

5-30-08 Journal Entry

We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"

I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.

Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.

And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.

And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.

http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html

What a Miracle

There are so many new discoveries that happen with each passing hour. Although we'd like nothing more than to be settling in at home, we realize this Ohio family vacation is a blessing - allowing us the chance to just be the three of us for awhile.

We know there are so many who have faithfully prayed and now you're rejoicing with us as we celebrate Elijah. Truly, he is an answer to prayer. We are in the midst of a miracle and we hope you know that we are so appreciative for your prayers and support. This little boy is not just our miracle - he is here to bring God glory. I don't know what miracle you may need, what touch from God you might need to feel, but I need you to know that he is living, breathing proof that God hears and answers prayers.

When I asked God for a baby, he didn't say no. When we got test results saying we couldn't have our own baby, he didn't say no. When we waited and prayed for the baby in Brazil, he didn't say no. When we went through two other interviews with birthmothers, he didn't say no. No, He simply was saying, "Wait. I have a plan." And here he is. Elijah Riley is our our answer to prayer - our "Greater Yes."

Our first night wasn't so bad. He slept from 12 until 4, ate and went back to sleep until 6:30 when he needed to be changed and, apparently, felt like a little snack. He was wide awake until 7:00 and then we both finally dozed off. We had to wake him at 9:30. He slept from noon until 6, waking only to eat. Poor little guy has had a lot going on in his little life these past few days.

After dinner, we enjoyed some precious time with him wide awake for more than an hour. He laid and looked at me, then Ed. We played and laughed and talked to him and held him. I can't imagine that I would love him any more if I had given birth to him. He is mine - that's all there is to it. My heart knows it, and I'm pretty sure he knows it. Oh, and he absolutely LOVES his daddy. As I type, he is laying in dad's arms just staring at him. He has worked his way into our hearts in a way that has ruined us for life! We are Little Eli's parents!

Elijah Riley's Gotcha Day!!!

Our Precious little boy, Elijah Riley.
Born May 9th. Gotcha Day May 31
Just 4 lbs 11 oz at birth, now a growing boy at 5 lbs 6 oz.
























He is just beautiful and so peaceful when he sleeps. He is a very content baby and we are truly blessed.




















After he's been fed, he's wide awake for at least a half hour. He loves to look at mommy and daddy.























Long fingers - will he be a piano player or baseball player.

















He spit up all over mommy and himself within five minutes of our first meeting! Welcome to motherhood! This is his first outfit change!


























Proud Parents!












First Family Photo

Birthmom, Sara, was so brave and handed him to us. She is so precious and gave us the most amazing gift we could have ever asked for!

His first car ride as a part of the Barnhouse Family.

Stopping to Say Thank You

I'm so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. We had a rather restful night of sleep (thanks for everyone who prayed for that specifically). Still, I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to just lie in bed when I knew today was the day...TODAY IS GOTCHA DAY!

Along the way, I have documented all the little things that God has done to bless us in this journey. There was the free photo shoot from Adam Barnes to get that "knock out" picture of the two of us for the album, someone anonymously donated our Creative Memories album and supplies, we went to get our fingerprints done for our background checks and they told us it was "free". These are just a few of them...

When we first found out on Wednesday that we had just 3 days to prepare, people went into action. Everything we have with us has been bought by or borrowed from others. THANK YOU! We do not want to let your generosity go unnoticed or unappreciated. We are so humbled and so blessed by you!

The choir rallied around to put together an impromtu 'shower' in just one day - giving diapers, formula, and some traveling money. Haley, thank you for pulling together every baby item you own so that we could borrow it! Erin, thank you for getting the clothes and formula ready for us - and for having a hot meal prepared so that was one less thing I had to think about.

If you weren't convinced that God is "in this" before - how about this?! Check out at the hotel is 11:00 a.m. but we have to meet with the caseworker at 11:30 to go over all the paperwork. Ed went to the front desk to ask if there was any way we could have a room or place to meet. As God would have it, she is also adopted and said the meeting room is ours, uninterrupted, as long as we need it, free of charge. I just cannot get over Him! Thank You, Jehovah Jireh!

I still can't get over the fact that in just a few hours, our birthmother will hand over her son - and he will be our son. Just thinking about the sacrifice she is making brings tears to my eyes. What a bittersweet day! For her and her family, this is the end of their journey with this pregnancy and this little boy - and yet for us, it is just the beginning. One little boy. He's united the hearts of two families forever. I cannot even imagine what she must be going through today. While we rejoice in the miracle we are experiencing, I don't want to forget the grief she must be going through. Please don't forget to pray for Sara.

"From life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny." (In Christ Alone)

How fitting. We had no idea on May 9 that our little boy was being born. We didn't hear his first cry. But before he breathed his first breath, God had a plan. He saw his unformed body, He fearfully and wonderfully made him, and He had us in mind the entire time. When I prayed "Lord, wherever he or she is - be there too," He was there. I didn't feel him kick or hear his first cry, but God was already carving out my heart to be his mommy.

And today is the day we meet our son. Our Gotcha' Day.