Today we stood in church to be recognized. The first time was to be recognized as mothers across the congregation. From my vantage point on stage, I watched and clapped as I pridefully joined the ranks of those, young and old, who have bore the title "mom." And just as quickly as the smile filled my face, so did the memory of mother's day 3 years ago come rushing back to me.
You see, the day was May 10, 2008. I was not standing in church. I was not recognized as a mom. I was grieving at the thought of not being able to have the right to stand. For years, I wanted that title. But it was not yet mine. It was a desire of my heart that I surrendered to the Lord - either take away the desire to have a child or bless me with one. Little did I know that the day before that mother's day, a little boy had been born.
His name was Riley Jamieson, as Sara his birthmother called him. And he was 4lb 11oz and only 18" long. He was several weeks early and she had not yet had a chance to choose his adoptive parents. On May 23, we would get that invitation to become his adoptive parents and on May 31, he would be placed in our arms.
Please know that Mother's Day is a special day to me for a number of reasons. First, I honor the legacy of my Nanny who has lead our family as a strong Christian woman, passing that down to my mom who has devoted her life to being a prayer warrior and a giant of faith. Their Godly examples have lead me to the place where I can stand, looking at a house burned and destroyed, tested by broken dreams and heartbreaks, and yet not shaken. No, their faith isn't my faith. Their faith has helped me develop and accomplish my faith. I honor those who are birthmothers who've given the right to life and the most sacrificial act of love. I honor those who are not yet mothers, but in their heart of hearts, they struggle with that desire and dream.
The scriptures and songs I cling to in these times - when facing infertility and then the road to adoption - and now facing a burnt down house and such an uncertain future - those are things that were inbred in me from the time I was born, much in part by the Godly influence of my mother. These are the same songs and scriptures I'm teaching my son.
So today, I stood. I stood to be recognized. as a mother. Probably the proudest title I bear. And then I stood beside my sister, watching her and her husband dedicate the little life of my niece to the Lord. Four generations of faith standing on stage today. Thank you, Lord, for such a heritage.
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I know there are some of you just furious with me for not having posted since Wednesday. I am sorry. I promise to post pictures and a video later today. For now, allow me a brief time of reflection.
Yesterday we sat on a panel of adoptive parents, answering questions and sharing stories to a room full of pregnant teenagers (the residents of the Godparent Home) and waiting adoptive couples. Two years ago we were sitting on the other side of that table. We were the waiting parents. We were nervous, full of anxiety, definitely overwhelmed, and bubbling with questions.
It was a room full of emotion, to say the least, and what I loved even more was that we as adoptive parents were just as emotional. We told our stories and shed tears. We listened to others and we cried and laughed with them. The couple next to us had waited in an adoption pool for 5 years before getting their bundle. She's now 9 months old. I remember her telling me after their placement, "Now I know why we had to wait so long - she just wasn't here yet."
I remember as waiting parents we were so freaked out at the fact that a pregnant, hormonal, teenage girl had the power to change our livves. She got to choose whether or not we'd be the parents of the baby she bore. But what we realized through the whole process - being denied, being chosen then not, then finally chosen and placed - was that God truly orchestrated every part of our process.
Sara told one of the caseworkers the night she made her decision, "I never pray, but I prayed about this." The next day she told us we were to be Elijah's parents.
While I am aware that you may be mad there are no new pictures, I am also aware the reason - the real reason - this silly blog even exists is not to brag about my adorable son, or boast his new accomplishment, or even tattle tale on his latest trick. No, the real reason for this blog is to brag about my God. To tell of His works. To share the miracle we've experienced.
Several of the families on the panel with us commented that their adopted child had enormous "extended family" because of the church, friends, co-workers and support groups that had experienced their adoption journeys with them. It's true - Elijah is not our own. He is our church family's. He is our extended family's. He is our co-workers. He is the living breathing product of answered prayers - and not just of our own - but of dozens, probably hundreds - we aren't even aware of.
So today, we remember. We remember and give thanks. We remember and rejoice. And we know you do too. If you contiue to stop by this blog then I know it's not just to see Elijah grow - but it's to be reminded of a God who performs miracles. I pray you are blessed by Him today!
Yesterday we sat on a panel of adoptive parents, answering questions and sharing stories to a room full of pregnant teenagers (the residents of the Godparent Home) and waiting adoptive couples. Two years ago we were sitting on the other side of that table. We were the waiting parents. We were nervous, full of anxiety, definitely overwhelmed, and bubbling with questions.
It was a room full of emotion, to say the least, and what I loved even more was that we as adoptive parents were just as emotional. We told our stories and shed tears. We listened to others and we cried and laughed with them. The couple next to us had waited in an adoption pool for 5 years before getting their bundle. She's now 9 months old. I remember her telling me after their placement, "Now I know why we had to wait so long - she just wasn't here yet."
I remember as waiting parents we were so freaked out at the fact that a pregnant, hormonal, teenage girl had the power to change our livves. She got to choose whether or not we'd be the parents of the baby she bore. But what we realized through the whole process - being denied, being chosen then not, then finally chosen and placed - was that God truly orchestrated every part of our process.
Sara told one of the caseworkers the night she made her decision, "I never pray, but I prayed about this." The next day she told us we were to be Elijah's parents.
While I am aware that you may be mad there are no new pictures, I am also aware the reason - the real reason - this silly blog even exists is not to brag about my adorable son, or boast his new accomplishment, or even tattle tale on his latest trick. No, the real reason for this blog is to brag about my God. To tell of His works. To share the miracle we've experienced.
Several of the families on the panel with us commented that their adopted child had enormous "extended family" because of the church, friends, co-workers and support groups that had experienced their adoption journeys with them. It's true - Elijah is not our own. He is our church family's. He is our extended family's. He is our co-workers. He is the living breathing product of answered prayers - and not just of our own - but of dozens, probably hundreds - we aren't even aware of.
So today, we remember. We remember and give thanks. We remember and rejoice. And we know you do too. If you contiue to stop by this blog then I know it's not just to see Elijah grow - but it's to be reminded of a God who performs miracles. I pray you are blessed by Him today!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
One Year Ago
5-30-08 Journal Entry
We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"
I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.
Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.
And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.
http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html
We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"
I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.
Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.
And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.
http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Reminiscent
"I have prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him." I Samuel 1:27
Elijah,
A year ago this time we were waiting to find out whether or not the second birthmother we'd interviewed with had chosen us. We later learned she ended up parenting her baby boy. We've been blessed to remain friends with her and her son. While it was disappointing at the time, what I now know is how God has used that relationship in different ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son. He was meant to be your friend.
Today I've been filled with butterflies as I await the pictures of some dear friends who were meeting their baby girl for the first time. I woke up with them on my mind and I've prayed for them and thought about them off and on throughout the day. It has allowed me to fully relive all the emotions, all the memories of the day we met you.
I remember the seemingly endless drive to Ohio. We were filled with nerves. We had so much to talk about but could barely carry on a conversation because of the excitement we were experiencing. I remember daddy looking back at the empty carseat in the backseat and commenting on how it would be occuppied the next day.
I remember the night before, resting peacefully as so many had prayed for a restful night for us. We went out to dinner, went to the hotel, got our outfits ready for the big placement ceremony. We wanted everything to be perfect when we met you. Every experience was our "last" but not in a sad way - in a sentimental way marking how we had waited and prayed so long for our miracle.
I am reminded of the call - we knew Sara was meeting with you before she'd place you in our arms but the call came an hour earlier than we were told. We were so nervous walking into the room, not knowing what you'd look like. All we knew was how tiny we were told you'd be.
And finally - we laid eyes on you. What is remarkable is that I had dreamed about a placement ceremony. I don't know if I've told anyone this, but in November 2006, before we even knew adoption would be how God blessed us with you, I stood in the Vines Center watching placement ceremonies on the jumbo-trons during a fundraiser Winter Market the Godparent Home was having. I teared up as I watched Dr. Falwell place percious little ones into the waiting arms of their adoptive parents. In my heart of hearts - without knowing ANYTHING at that point - I knew one thing - I knew one day that would be me. I didn't know it would be you, but I knew God was already preparing my heart for the day we'd meet.
May 31, 2008.
A newly adoptive family said it best just the other day: "Now we know why this took so long - she wasn't born yet!"
It's true. The first interview, the second, even the other birthmothers I met in the home were all a part of God's perfect plan - but the entire time He had already chosen YOU for US.
I have fully embraced the way God orchestrated each and every step of our adoption - each and every part of the journey that led to that priceless moment of when you were placed in our arms. But what I have been quick to forget is how God PLACES families together.
You were placed in our lives specifically for us. And all the other circumstances, the disappointments, the failures, the heartaches, the confusion, happened so God could show His Sovereignty and might by bringing our family together.
What I am thankful for is the reminder - to reminisce of the day we met. To remember how God answered our prayers - but what it so important to remember is not that God answered our prayers for a baby...but that He answered our prayers to become a family. He had a plan. He knew all along. It wasn't just that we were meant to be adoptive parents - we were meant to be YOUR adoptive parents. I know that full well and I'm thankful for the reminder that there are no accidents in the life of a child of God.
Elijah, you have blessed my life more than I can even put into words. Your curious exploration reminds me not to miss the little things. Your zeal and excitement remind me to let my joy be complete in Christ. But mostly, you remind me every time I look at your sweet face that God hears the prayers of His people and He answers. I am quick to add that the answer isn't always yes to what we want. Even when the answer seems like a "no" it just means He has a greater yes planned. I love you baby boy. You are my answer to prayer.
Elijah,
A year ago this time we were waiting to find out whether or not the second birthmother we'd interviewed with had chosen us. We later learned she ended up parenting her baby boy. We've been blessed to remain friends with her and her son. While it was disappointing at the time, what I now know is how God has used that relationship in different ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son. He was meant to be your friend.
Today I've been filled with butterflies as I await the pictures of some dear friends who were meeting their baby girl for the first time. I woke up with them on my mind and I've prayed for them and thought about them off and on throughout the day. It has allowed me to fully relive all the emotions, all the memories of the day we met you.
I remember the seemingly endless drive to Ohio. We were filled with nerves. We had so much to talk about but could barely carry on a conversation because of the excitement we were experiencing. I remember daddy looking back at the empty carseat in the backseat and commenting on how it would be occuppied the next day.
I remember the night before, resting peacefully as so many had prayed for a restful night for us. We went out to dinner, went to the hotel, got our outfits ready for the big placement ceremony. We wanted everything to be perfect when we met you. Every experience was our "last" but not in a sad way - in a sentimental way marking how we had waited and prayed so long for our miracle.
I am reminded of the call - we knew Sara was meeting with you before she'd place you in our arms but the call came an hour earlier than we were told. We were so nervous walking into the room, not knowing what you'd look like. All we knew was how tiny we were told you'd be.
And finally - we laid eyes on you. What is remarkable is that I had dreamed about a placement ceremony. I don't know if I've told anyone this, but in November 2006, before we even knew adoption would be how God blessed us with you, I stood in the Vines Center watching placement ceremonies on the jumbo-trons during a fundraiser Winter Market the Godparent Home was having. I teared up as I watched Dr. Falwell place percious little ones into the waiting arms of their adoptive parents. In my heart of hearts - without knowing ANYTHING at that point - I knew one thing - I knew one day that would be me. I didn't know it would be you, but I knew God was already preparing my heart for the day we'd meet.
May 31, 2008.
A newly adoptive family said it best just the other day: "Now we know why this took so long - she wasn't born yet!"
It's true. The first interview, the second, even the other birthmothers I met in the home were all a part of God's perfect plan - but the entire time He had already chosen YOU for US.
I have fully embraced the way God orchestrated each and every step of our adoption - each and every part of the journey that led to that priceless moment of when you were placed in our arms. But what I have been quick to forget is how God PLACES families together.
You were placed in our lives specifically for us. And all the other circumstances, the disappointments, the failures, the heartaches, the confusion, happened so God could show His Sovereignty and might by bringing our family together.
What I am thankful for is the reminder - to reminisce of the day we met. To remember how God answered our prayers - but what it so important to remember is not that God answered our prayers for a baby...but that He answered our prayers to become a family. He had a plan. He knew all along. It wasn't just that we were meant to be adoptive parents - we were meant to be YOUR adoptive parents. I know that full well and I'm thankful for the reminder that there are no accidents in the life of a child of God.
Elijah, you have blessed my life more than I can even put into words. Your curious exploration reminds me not to miss the little things. Your zeal and excitement remind me to let my joy be complete in Christ. But mostly, you remind me every time I look at your sweet face that God hears the prayers of His people and He answers. I am quick to add that the answer isn't always yes to what we want. Even when the answer seems like a "no" it just means He has a greater yes planned. I love you baby boy. You are my answer to prayer.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
One of the waiting moms I've been able to get to know through our adoption process is now a mommy. She sent me pictures holding her sweet baby girl. Would you believe she resembles her adoptive mom?! Isn't God good???
The agency sent out photos of a recent placement. I cried tears of joy and sorrow as I watched the birthmother place this baby boy in the adoptive parents arms. I was joyful for him and his new adoptive family. But you see, I've gotten to know the birthmom and I felt her pain. It's such a bittersweet journey - for both families involved.
Even still, as I shared advice with my friend who now finds herself suddenly raising an infant, it was hard for me to remember exactly what Elijah was like at two months old. That was only eight months ago. It hasn't even been a year. And at the same time, I keep asking myself where has the time gone?!
I have watched him grow and change and develop so drastically in the past 10 months and it is remarkable. I'm so thankful I have documented his milestones - and even the silly little accomplishments - in a calendar that I've been keeping since placement day. I can flip back and read through the memories and suddenly it comes flooding back to me.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and the way God brings families together through this process. I am so happy for my friend and the joy she's now experiencing after waiting and longing to be a mother for so long. I am so proud of my friend who chose life for her baby and then sacrifically showed love so he could have an adoptive family to raise him. I am so thankful for my own baby, who doesn't seem like a little baby at all, but who blesses my life each and every day with every smile, babble, and even those big milestones, too!
The agency sent out photos of a recent placement. I cried tears of joy and sorrow as I watched the birthmother place this baby boy in the adoptive parents arms. I was joyful for him and his new adoptive family. But you see, I've gotten to know the birthmom and I felt her pain. It's such a bittersweet journey - for both families involved.
Even still, as I shared advice with my friend who now finds herself suddenly raising an infant, it was hard for me to remember exactly what Elijah was like at two months old. That was only eight months ago. It hasn't even been a year. And at the same time, I keep asking myself where has the time gone?!
I have watched him grow and change and develop so drastically in the past 10 months and it is remarkable. I'm so thankful I have documented his milestones - and even the silly little accomplishments - in a calendar that I've been keeping since placement day. I can flip back and read through the memories and suddenly it comes flooding back to me.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and the way God brings families together through this process. I am so happy for my friend and the joy she's now experiencing after waiting and longing to be a mother for so long. I am so proud of my friend who chose life for her baby and then sacrifically showed love so he could have an adoptive family to raise him. I am so thankful for my own baby, who doesn't seem like a little baby at all, but who blesses my life each and every day with every smile, babble, and even those big milestones, too!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Reflections
Disclaimer: Some of you will have no idea why I'm sharing this. Others of you, I believe, need to hear this.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
I didn't blog much while we were going through the adoption process. I journaled. It was a very emotional time, and a very private roller coaster that at times I wasn't willing to share.
I've spent some time this morning reading my journal from a year ago. I was daily marking the ups and downs of our journey.
One year ago, February was a busy month. We had just had our first interview. We waited for two weeks before we heard ANYTHING only to find out we hadn't been chosen. I penned these words:
"I even somehow knew I must experience this pain if I ever want to help others in the same situation. I know all of this is part of God's plan but my heart still aches."
Fast forward a year and I know God has allowed me to share the anxiousness, nervousness, heartache and even devastation with many of you. My unanswered prayers and pain a year ago were for a reason. If it were only to be able to share with you how I survived, how God was faithful, how despite me not understanding, I was somehow still able to trust - then I wholeheartedly know God's purpose for that pain one year ago is being fulfilled.
2/19/08 - My 29th birthday. I always claim a verse for the year and last year God gave me Psalm 40:3, "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I specifically prayed for God to answer our prayer of a baby before my 30th birthday. I also asked for opportunities to share our testimony and to minister to others going through this process.
Little did I know that scripture would prove so true. I pray for each of you to see what we've gone through and understand the miracle - and know that it has all been according to God's perfect and sovereign plan.
I need you to hear something. Yes, He answered my prayer to have a baby before my next birthday. I am sure you, too, have prayed similar prayers but not heard them answered. Understand, there were other unanswered prayers that I have now come to realize were not "no" but were God's way of saying He had a greater "yes". I pray you will receive this in peace and faith, knowing that His plan for you is perfect.
In February last year, we also went through our second interview that later proved unfruitful in regards to placement of a baby, but was purely meant for us to connect with a birthmother who now remains a very good friend.
I could go on and on about journal entries from a year ago. Repeatedly, I have written several girls names in my list of specific prayer requests - praying for them as they make decisions of placement or parenting, praying for the babies they were carrying, praying for the sometimes reluctant or difficult birthfathers... Over and over, I interceded on their behalf - not because I was seeking the child they bore, but because I wanted them to know and experience God's peace and presence during a difficult time in their lives. So many of those girls I also now call friends.
What I know, a year later, is that God does have a plan. What I also know is that plan has been so entirely different, and completely unexpected, from the plan I had. I have run the gammett of emotions from denial to depression to betrayal, to heartache, to grief, to love, to peace, and yes, to acceptance.
I can also tell you those moments of darkest despair were also the times I drew every ounce of strength from my heavenly Father. Those were the times - even though He was sometimes eerily silent - I knew He was presently working in my life.
I don't know who needs to hear this. Again I reiterate, this isn't for every one of you blog readers. This is for those of you are are looking for that "answer in the sky" - praying and waiting without an answer - asking and seeking but feeling like you're going unheard. This is for you who needed to know that someone else out there understands...and survived.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
To Our Precious Friends and Family,
It is with overwhelming hearts we write to you this Christmas season. This time last year we were celebrating the season in full swing, but also so aware of the absence of a child we were praying for. In between wrapping presents and baking cookies, we were wrapping up our home study and finishing our adoption album. We hung an ornament that served as a faith promise of the miracle we were expecting. It simply read, "For Unto Us a Child is Born."
By now you more than know the story. Our baby boy was born on May 9 and placed in our arms on May 31. It is impossible to recount all the little miracles that occurred during the process that lead us to Elijah, but suffice to say we saw God's hand in each and every step.
Last Christmas we sent out prayer cards as we pursued our adoption journey. Little did we know this Christmas we'd be celebrating with our son! We've hung a new ornament this year - it reads "Baby's First Christmas." It's just beside the other ornament - both reminders of God's faithfulness. Every time we look at Elijah we are reminded of God's answer to prayer. We rejoice this Christmas in the gift of life - the gift of a baby sent to forever change our lives.
The Christmas story is such a beautiful portrayal of the journey we've experienced. Mary, a pregnant unwed teenager. Joseph, willing to love and raise a child that wasn't genetically his. Jesus, from humble beginnings to a humiliating death. He came to give life - eternal life. God, Heavenly Father, seeing fit to give up His rights to His one and only son so we can be adopted as sons and daughters.
If the lights sparkle brighter - it's only because Elijah is so fascinated by them. If the presents look prettier - it's only because Elijah wants to tear into them. If Christmas seems a little more exciting - it's only because we are celebrating with our baby boy. This little life is a reminder of the everlasting life and abundant joy we celebrate this season.
We pray the miracle of Christmas is alive in your heart. Celebrate and rejoice with us! A baby changes everything...
Merry Christmas!
Ed, Carrie & Elijah
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Psalm 139
It's a little hard to explain now, but I know at some point you'll wonder - maybe even come to us and ask, "Why didn't my birthmother want me?"
I read Psalm 139 this morning:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of hte earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
(Verses 13-16)
I'm preparing myself even now for what I will say to you - how I will explain. All I know to say is this:
Elijah, He knit you together in Sara's womb.
Elijah, He knit you together in Sara's womb.
He created you to be a masterpiece - but also a miracle.
When He formed you, He knew full well you were being created to bless our family - to bless lives with the story of His own faithfulness.
We praise Him because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
His works ARE wonderful - and YOU, Elijah Riley Barnhouse, are a wondeful miraculous work He has made.
You were not hidden from Him even as He formed you - your tiny hands and feet, your sweet little mouth and little button nose.
Each and every part of you He fashioned together knowing full-well, He would place your in our lives.
His eyes saw your unformed body and as He created His masterpiece.
He knew - before you even took your first breath - the plan He had for each and every day of your life.
He knew that just 22 days after you entered this world, you would be placed in our arms.
You, my son, were created not by us but for us - and for Him...for His glory.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Change a Life
You're famous! You made your big debut before 10,000 students at their convocation service today. It was a promotion for the offering they're taking up to benefit the Godparent Home. Up to this point, at Pastor Johnnie said, all the students had seen were baby bottles around campus where they could donate change. The "Change a Life" Baby Bottle campaign is a huge fundraiser for the ministry, allowing girls like your birthmother to come and stay and get prenatal care as they choose whether to parent or place.
Today you served as the sweet little face of the campaign and the ministry. Now when students give, hopefully they'll be reminded of babies like you - lives like ours - who have been forever blessed by this ministry.
A family photo backstage.
Daddy took the opportunity to introduce you to your first basketball goal while we were waiting to go on stage.
Today you served as the sweet little face of the campaign and the ministry. Now when students give, hopefully they'll be reminded of babies like you - lives like ours - who have been forever blessed by this ministry.
A family photo backstage.
Daddy took the opportunity to introduce you to your first basketball goal while we were waiting to go on stage.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Time Flies
No matter where we go you grab people's attention. Babies seem to be a magnet for friendly faces and smiles from strangers. What is it about a baby that bonds people who have never met? The innocence of youth maybe. The wide-eyed wonderment of a life experiencing everything for the first time. Some know your story - some don't. The best is when people tell us you look like daddy or me. It just thrills me to think that even that detail was something God worked out perfectly.
They say time flies when you're having fun. And everywhere we go fellow parents tell us to enjoy every minute because children grow up too fast.
And the cliches are becoming reality. You are growing up right before our very eyes. It helps me be so very mindful of the blessing you are - our miracle. I simply don't want to forget.
Everyone asks us if we'll adopt again. The simple answer is I don't know. All I do know is I want to enjoy every minute. If I only get one chance, I want to make sure to take in every gummy smile, each belly laugh and the many faces you share. I want to remember all the little milestones - from rolling over to the first words and steps yet to come.
What people know about our story is you're an answer to prayer...but what they may not know is we got several no's before we were told yes. From not being able to conceive, to a baby placed in my arms in Brazil, and then two other birthmother interviews before we were chosen by Sara...there were mixed emotions, hurt feelings, tears and lots of prayers before we finally met you. Those are things I don't want to forget either, because that is all part of the process that lead us to you.
So full of personality - so much so that he not only refuses to smile for the camera but now he actually tries to get away from me when I have it. Good thing all he can do right now is roll!
They say time flies when you're having fun. And everywhere we go fellow parents tell us to enjoy every minute because children grow up too fast.
And the cliches are becoming reality. You are growing up right before our very eyes. It helps me be so very mindful of the blessing you are - our miracle. I simply don't want to forget.
Everyone asks us if we'll adopt again. The simple answer is I don't know. All I do know is I want to enjoy every minute. If I only get one chance, I want to make sure to take in every gummy smile, each belly laugh and the many faces you share. I want to remember all the little milestones - from rolling over to the first words and steps yet to come.
What people know about our story is you're an answer to prayer...but what they may not know is we got several no's before we were told yes. From not being able to conceive, to a baby placed in my arms in Brazil, and then two other birthmother interviews before we were chosen by Sara...there were mixed emotions, hurt feelings, tears and lots of prayers before we finally met you. Those are things I don't want to forget either, because that is all part of the process that lead us to you.
So full of personality - so much so that he not only refuses to smile for the camera but now he actually tries to get away from me when I have it. Good thing all he can do right now is roll!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Answered Prayers
Elijah,
When we sought our journey to adopt, we kept our plans quiet at first. Once we got through the initial stages of training and preparation and paperwork, we felt compelled to share our story - not in an effort to solicit empathy or attention, but rather to allow participation. We felt our journey was a way to share with others the miracle of adoption, educating and providing awareness, but more importantly allowing others to participate by joining with us in praying for a miracle.
So many people joined with us as we prayed and waited and went through the emotional ups and downs of interviews and waiting for our child. In November, I was given the opportunity to share our story for the ladies Thanksgiving banquet. We were each given a name to pray for of one of the ladies present. I had never met my prayer warrior and she hadn't met me, but after hearing our story she committed to praying for the child God had for us.
In God's providential plan, she would meet "Riley" - a foster baby. He was being fostered by a family whose grandson was marrying her granddaughter. That "Riley" is you, our Elijah, and she met you before we even did. She had no idea - at the time - that you were to be our child, but after we put it all together, we were all amazed at how good God is.
And then there's Ramey. Ramey is someone I've never met and won't be able to until heaven. Just days ago, she lost her battle to an aggressive brain tumor. But today, one of her good friends shared with me how in the fight of her life she was praying for me, for daddy and for you. She didn't want to focus on her pain and her depressing situation, so she asked about others and she heard about our story. They told her how we were waiting and praying for a baby. And she too started praying.
She had never met us and we had never met her. We were praying for her healing and for God's touch in her life and all the while, she was praying for God to work in our lives. In what would become some of her last days on earth, she heard how God had answered our prayers. Just like we were told 'no' to having our own children, she was not given the miracle of healing. But she was given the hope that a Sovereign God has a perfect plan for each and every life. God's plan for her was to bring her to her heavenly home and God's plan for us was bring you to our home.
"Trust God when He says no
You're still blessed
There must be a greater yes."
Thank you Jesus that you answer prayers. Though they are not always answered in the way we think or hope, we have the assurance that there is always a greater yes.
When we sought our journey to adopt, we kept our plans quiet at first. Once we got through the initial stages of training and preparation and paperwork, we felt compelled to share our story - not in an effort to solicit empathy or attention, but rather to allow participation. We felt our journey was a way to share with others the miracle of adoption, educating and providing awareness, but more importantly allowing others to participate by joining with us in praying for a miracle.
So many people joined with us as we prayed and waited and went through the emotional ups and downs of interviews and waiting for our child. In November, I was given the opportunity to share our story for the ladies Thanksgiving banquet. We were each given a name to pray for of one of the ladies present. I had never met my prayer warrior and she hadn't met me, but after hearing our story she committed to praying for the child God had for us.
In God's providential plan, she would meet "Riley" - a foster baby. He was being fostered by a family whose grandson was marrying her granddaughter. That "Riley" is you, our Elijah, and she met you before we even did. She had no idea - at the time - that you were to be our child, but after we put it all together, we were all amazed at how good God is.
And then there's Ramey. Ramey is someone I've never met and won't be able to until heaven. Just days ago, she lost her battle to an aggressive brain tumor. But today, one of her good friends shared with me how in the fight of her life she was praying for me, for daddy and for you. She didn't want to focus on her pain and her depressing situation, so she asked about others and she heard about our story. They told her how we were waiting and praying for a baby. And she too started praying.
She had never met us and we had never met her. We were praying for her healing and for God's touch in her life and all the while, she was praying for God to work in our lives. In what would become some of her last days on earth, she heard how God had answered our prayers. Just like we were told 'no' to having our own children, she was not given the miracle of healing. But she was given the hope that a Sovereign God has a perfect plan for each and every life. God's plan for her was to bring her to her heavenly home and God's plan for us was bring you to our home.
"Trust God when He says no
You're still blessed
There must be a greater yes."
Thank you Jesus that you answer prayers. Though they are not always answered in the way we think or hope, we have the assurance that there is always a greater yes.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Juno
I just watched the movie Juno. I am not endorsing any language or lifestyle, but I am in full support of the way the movie explores teenage pregnancy. I couldn't help but see the similarities in the character Juno and Elijah's birthmother. I also love the adoptive mother and the vulnerability she portrays in the movie. I held my son as I watched the movie with tears streaming down my face.
I can't help but look at him and know he is the realization of an answer to prayer for me - but somewhere else in the world is a girl who I imagine is still grieving. I can't know how often her thoughts turn toward him, but I feel certain after having known him for 9 months there must be times she thinks about the son she carried and so bravely placed in our arms.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and looking at this baby boy has give me an even clearer picture of the unconditional love God has for us.
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will..." Ephesians 1:4-5
He chose us. He planned for us. We are His pleasure. Thank You, Lord, for adopting me as Your daughter.
I can't help but look at him and know he is the realization of an answer to prayer for me - but somewhere else in the world is a girl who I imagine is still grieving. I can't know how often her thoughts turn toward him, but I feel certain after having known him for 9 months there must be times she thinks about the son she carried and so bravely placed in our arms.
I am so thankful for the gift of adoption and looking at this baby boy has give me an even clearer picture of the unconditional love God has for us.
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will..." Ephesians 1:4-5
He chose us. He planned for us. We are His pleasure. Thank You, Lord, for adopting me as Your daughter.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Elijah,
We're Home! Praise the Lord - we got home at 3:45 a.m. You were the best passenger we could have hoped for! We only had to stop once to feed and change you - you slept the rest of the way. A few times you would start to stir and I would put my hand on your bell or around your face and you would calm down. Do you already know my touch?
I just have to tell you what happened, dear one, because God deserves all the glory! We sat with the caseworker last Saturday, signing everything before we got to meet you, and asked her if we'd be home by Friday. Her response was, "Not to get your hopes up. It is VERY unlikely." I told her she didn't know what God had already been doing and it was VERY likely for Him.
We spent time as close to the Pennsylvania border as we could be without leaving the state so that your grandparents could come and see you. Oh, how they love you! Elijah, I have to admit - I was so worried that daddy's parents might react differently because you're not 'our blood'...but Papa is smitten with you! I have never seen him so tenderhearted, so loving. Praise the Lord!
After we'd had enough of the hotel, we went to stay with Jacob & Heather. 14 years ago, Heather and her family came to Hyland Heights for her dad to be the pastor. Pastor Carl married your mommy and daddy, and next week, he'll dedicate you in church next Sunday on Father's Day. I cannot wait! Nana helped pick out your precious little outfit. You have to look handsome - it's your big debut! So many people have been waiting and praying for this day. They can't wait to meet you.
Anyway, back to the story - sorry dear, I tend to do that. We got the email on Thursday saying Ohio sent our paperwork to Virginia. So I called and we waited. I called and we waited. There was a problem with a form. They sent the new form. We waited. And by 4:30 yesterday afternoon, we got the approval to GO HOME! The director said on the phone, "This never happens this quickly." I responded without hesitation, "Ma'am, I'm holding a miracle in my arms as we speak - I can't imagine God would stop there."
Baby boy, our God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty, there's nothing our God cannot do! (I will teach you the motions to that song when you're bigger.) He gave us you. He brought us to you. And now He brought us home.
What an absolute miracle!
We're Home! Praise the Lord - we got home at 3:45 a.m. You were the best passenger we could have hoped for! We only had to stop once to feed and change you - you slept the rest of the way. A few times you would start to stir and I would put my hand on your bell or around your face and you would calm down. Do you already know my touch?
I just have to tell you what happened, dear one, because God deserves all the glory! We sat with the caseworker last Saturday, signing everything before we got to meet you, and asked her if we'd be home by Friday. Her response was, "Not to get your hopes up. It is VERY unlikely." I told her she didn't know what God had already been doing and it was VERY likely for Him.
We spent time as close to the Pennsylvania border as we could be without leaving the state so that your grandparents could come and see you. Oh, how they love you! Elijah, I have to admit - I was so worried that daddy's parents might react differently because you're not 'our blood'...but Papa is smitten with you! I have never seen him so tenderhearted, so loving. Praise the Lord!
After we'd had enough of the hotel, we went to stay with Jacob & Heather. 14 years ago, Heather and her family came to Hyland Heights for her dad to be the pastor. Pastor Carl married your mommy and daddy, and next week, he'll dedicate you in church next Sunday on Father's Day. I cannot wait! Nana helped pick out your precious little outfit. You have to look handsome - it's your big debut! So many people have been waiting and praying for this day. They can't wait to meet you.
Anyway, back to the story - sorry dear, I tend to do that. We got the email on Thursday saying Ohio sent our paperwork to Virginia. So I called and we waited. I called and we waited. There was a problem with a form. They sent the new form. We waited. And by 4:30 yesterday afternoon, we got the approval to GO HOME! The director said on the phone, "This never happens this quickly." I responded without hesitation, "Ma'am, I'm holding a miracle in my arms as we speak - I can't imagine God would stop there."
Baby boy, our God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty, there's nothing our God cannot do! (I will teach you the motions to that song when you're bigger.) He gave us you. He brought us to you. And now He brought us home.
What an absolute miracle!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
What a Miracle
There are so many new discoveries that happen with each passing hour. Although we'd like nothing more than to be settling in at home, we realize this Ohio family vacation is a blessing - allowing us the chance to just be the three of us for awhile. 
We know there are so many who have faithfully prayed and now you're rejoicing with us as we celebrate Elijah. Truly, he is an answer to prayer. We are in the midst of a miracle and we hope you know that we are so appreciative for your prayers and support. This little boy is not just our miracle - he is here to bring God glory. I don't know what miracle you may need, what touch from God you might need to feel, but I need you to know that he is living, breathing proof that God hears and answers prayers.
When I asked God for a baby, he didn't say no. When we got test results saying we couldn't have our own baby, he didn't say no. When we waited and prayed for the baby in Brazil, he didn't say no. When we went through two other interviews with birthmothers, he didn't say no. No, He simply was saying, "Wait. I have a plan." And here he is. Elijah Riley is our our answer to prayer - our "Greater Yes."
Our first night wasn't so bad. He slept from 12 until 4, ate and went back to sleep until 6:30 when he needed to be changed and, apparently, felt like a little snack. He was wide awake until 7:00 and then we both finally dozed off. We had to wake him at 9:30. He slept from noon until 6, waking only to eat. Poor little guy has had a lot going on in his little life these past few days.
After dinner, we enjoyed some precious time with him wide awake for more than an hour. He laid and looked at me, then Ed. We played and laughed and talked to him and held him. I can't imagine that I would love him any more if I had given birth to him. He is mine - that's all there is to it. My heart knows it, and I'm pretty sure he knows it. Oh, and he absolutely LOVES his daddy. As I type, he is laying in dad's arms just staring at him. He has worked his way into our hearts in a way that has ruined us for life! We are Little Eli's parents!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Elijah Riley's Gotcha Day!!!
Our Precious little boy, Elijah Riley.
Born May 9th. Gotcha Day May 31
Just 4 lbs 11 oz at birth, now a growing boy at 5 lbs 6 oz.
He is just beautiful and so peaceful when he sleeps. He is a very content baby and we are truly blessed.
After he's been fed, he's wide awake for at least a half hour. He loves to look at mommy and daddy.
Long fingers - will he be a piano player or baseball player.
He spit up all over mommy and himself within five minutes of our first meeting! Welcome to motherhood! This is his first outfit change!
Proud Parents!
First Family Photo
Birthmom, Sara, was so brave and handed him to us. She is so precious and gave us the most amazing gift we could have ever asked for!
His first car ride as a part of the Barnhouse Family.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Feeding the Flock
We're still on the swirling spinning thriller ride called "Adoption". I liken it to that first big hill that you climb ... and climb ... and climb ... Every part of you anticipates the dramatic drop that will surely throw your stomach into your throat. Once you're down the hill, you gain momentum on the straight-away, only to feel the course violently jerk as you take a sharp turn.
Last week I got to meet the girls currently staying at the Godparent Home. It was so awkward - at first - because of the obvious reasons we were all there. There were birthmoms, waiting moms, adoptive moms. Those who had experienced a miracle, those waiting for one, and others just praying for strength to make it through another day. I met girls far too young to be mothers, but that did not hide the obvious. Their growing bellies seemed a stark contrast to the braces on their teeth. Everything in me wanted to hope they didn't think I was there 'shopping'. I was more than aware of the reality that one of them just might be carrying my future son (or daughter - don't tell Ed I said that!). But I was so conscious to make sure they also knew I genuinely cared about them.
Some of them shared their stories with me. One girl came up and said she thought I was beautiful. Another one noticed how we both put hearts over the "i's" in our names. Before long, I found myself surrounded by 5 or 6 of them. In that moment, I wasn't aware that they were pregnant unwed mothers. I was only aware of the fact that they were teenage girls who I was able to connect with. I was in my element. It was just like my college days when we'd travel to a church and I would find myself in the middle of a pack of teenagers. For some reason, my personality has always been the shepharder. I was so thankful I could be myself and they could be comfortable enough with me for us to look past the real reasons we were both there.
I told Ed that once we're on the 'other side' and we have been able to adopt, I want to minister to them. I want to hang out with them, invite them to our home, let them see a godly example of a husband and wife and adoptive parents. I pray for God to use me in this ministry.
What has resulted is an awareness of praying for them by name. I don't know if they will parent or place; I don't know if one of them will choose us; all I know is the situation they each find themselves in will forever change lives. I pray for them. I pray for the children they're bearing. I pray for the waiting families they may choose to parent their children. God has brought me face-to-face with the question, "Do I love his sheep?" My answer...I want to tend the flock.
Last week I got to meet the girls currently staying at the Godparent Home. It was so awkward - at first - because of the obvious reasons we were all there. There were birthmoms, waiting moms, adoptive moms. Those who had experienced a miracle, those waiting for one, and others just praying for strength to make it through another day. I met girls far too young to be mothers, but that did not hide the obvious. Their growing bellies seemed a stark contrast to the braces on their teeth. Everything in me wanted to hope they didn't think I was there 'shopping'. I was more than aware of the reality that one of them just might be carrying my future son (or daughter - don't tell Ed I said that!). But I was so conscious to make sure they also knew I genuinely cared about them.
Some of them shared their stories with me. One girl came up and said she thought I was beautiful. Another one noticed how we both put hearts over the "i's" in our names. Before long, I found myself surrounded by 5 or 6 of them. In that moment, I wasn't aware that they were pregnant unwed mothers. I was only aware of the fact that they were teenage girls who I was able to connect with. I was in my element. It was just like my college days when we'd travel to a church and I would find myself in the middle of a pack of teenagers. For some reason, my personality has always been the shepharder. I was so thankful I could be myself and they could be comfortable enough with me for us to look past the real reasons we were both there.
I told Ed that once we're on the 'other side' and we have been able to adopt, I want to minister to them. I want to hang out with them, invite them to our home, let them see a godly example of a husband and wife and adoptive parents. I pray for God to use me in this ministry.
What has resulted is an awareness of praying for them by name. I don't know if they will parent or place; I don't know if one of them will choose us; all I know is the situation they each find themselves in will forever change lives. I pray for them. I pray for the children they're bearing. I pray for the waiting families they may choose to parent their children. God has brought me face-to-face with the question, "Do I love his sheep?" My answer...I want to tend the flock.
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