E turns 3!

A very merry birthday it has been! Despite it all, E woke up to singing us all serenading him with "Happy Birthday" and our little boy repeated over and over that he was now 5 - not 3. Um, wait a minute son. Don't grow up too fast!

Cupcakes at preschool and more singing, takeout for dinner, and a trip to Toys R Us - and of course, more Lightning McQueen birthday cake - and this little 3 year old was one happy camper! Oh, and lest we forget the Geo Trax that he finally got for his birthday! :) Funny how even when we went to check out at Toys R Us the cashier knew all about our story and our home. But for a little while it was nice to forget about the mess and just let a kid be a kid in a toy store!

He wanted to bounce balls, push buttons, play the video game, ride the power wheels - oh yes, we still have to replace that! He decided to try out Lightning McQueen again, then a John Deer tractor (no baby, you will NOT go to Rustburg) and then finally upgraded to a Cadillac!

We also took a trip back to the house to take his picture in front of his tree that Pap planted when he was adopted. We get his picture in front of it every year - this year the scenery in the background isn't quite as nice to look at. But it's a reminder of the growing thriving tree that represents our growing thriving boy. Soon the house will be gone. But I was stand in front of that tree to make sure it's still standing!

Thanks for joining with us as we celebrated. This has been a wonderful distraction to everything else that's been going on. Tomorrow reality may (or may not) sink back in. Either way, for today, May 9, Happy Birthday Elijah! You are one loved and special little boy! I do not know what the future holds. I do know that in your short little life thus far, I've seen a story unfolding that I would never have believed. I pray for God's hand to be upon you. I pray for His blessings to be yours. I pray for you to know Him and walk in His wisdom. I pray for you to love him with that "happy heart" that's inside your body! I pray for your mind to grow in the riches of His promises. I pray for your hands to serve, your feet to go. I pray for your life to always be a testimony of Him and His goodness. I love you with all of my heart!

(There's a few pictures from Mother's Day too.)

Mother's Day

Today we stood in church to be recognized. The first time was to be recognized as mothers across the congregation. From my vantage point on stage, I watched and clapped as I pridefully joined the ranks of those, young and old, who have bore the title "mom." And just as quickly as the smile filled my face, so did the memory of mother's day 3 years ago come rushing back to me.

You see, the day was May 10, 2008. I was not standing in church. I was not recognized as a mom. I was grieving at the thought of not being able to have the right to stand. For years, I wanted that title. But it was not yet mine. It was a desire of my heart that I surrendered to the Lord - either take away the desire to have a child or bless me with one. Little did I know that the day before that mother's day, a little boy had been born.

His name was Riley Jamieson, as Sara his birthmother called him. And he was 4lb 11oz and only 18" long. He was several weeks early and she had not yet had a chance to choose his adoptive parents. On May 23, we would get that invitation to become his adoptive parents and on May 31, he would be placed in our arms.

Please know that Mother's Day is a special day to me for a number of reasons. First, I honor the legacy of my Nanny who has lead our family as a strong Christian woman, passing that down to my mom who has devoted her life to being a prayer warrior and a giant of faith. Their Godly examples have lead me to the place where I can stand, looking at a house burned and destroyed, tested by broken dreams and heartbreaks, and yet not shaken. No, their faith isn't my faith. Their faith has helped me develop and accomplish my faith. I honor those who are birthmothers who've given the right to life and the most sacrificial act of love. I honor those who are not yet mothers, but in their heart of hearts, they struggle with that desire and dream.

The scriptures and songs I cling to in these times - when facing infertility and then the road to adoption - and now facing a burnt down house and such an uncertain future - those are things that were inbred in me from the time I was born, much in part by the Godly influence of my mother. These are the same songs and scriptures I'm teaching my son.

So today, I stood. I stood to be recognized. as a mother. Probably the proudest title I bear. And then I stood beside my sister, watching her and her husband dedicate the little life of my niece to the Lord. Four generations of faith standing on stage today. Thank you, Lord, for such a heritage.

No Greater...

Elijah,

I'm watching you play - busily going from one thing to the next. Turning every toy into something you can push along the carpet like a car. You keep crawling behind the chair and getting stuck in the corner. I peek around to find you and you squeal with delight. There's nothing greater.

It's gotten me thinking about the ways you've blessed my life.

There is no greater sound than the shrieking squeal you make when you're elated beyond words.

There's no greater sight than the wide-opened, full-faced smile that reveals the dimple in your right cheek when mommy or daddy come home or even enter your room after you've woken up.

There's no greater sign of affection than the way you bury your entire head in my shoulder and kick your feet, nearly knocking the breath out of me, because you're so intentional about cuddling.

There's no greater peace than to see you snuggled up with your soft-on-one-side, silky-on-the-other blanket fluffed underneath your sweet head like a pillow as you sleep.

There's no greater entertainment than watching you curiously explore whatever surrounds you, then kicking out your feet from underneath you because you cannot contain your excitement and wonder.

There's no greater off-beat dancing than to watch you bee-bop as soon as you hear a song play.

There's no greater curiosity than wondering what you're thinking and trying to communicate when you babble and coo.

There's no greater word spoken than to hear you utter "Ma ma" over and over.

There's no greater love than what I feel for you. I love you, baby boy.

A Mother's Prayer

Thanks, Joy, for sharing this. Girls, you WILL cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re5EIUIXbhc

The Nature of God

I remember a conversation I had with my sister's mother-in-law, Cathey, around New Year's. She was talking about her own grandchildren and how even at such young ages they teach you about the nature of God.

I am seeing that come to fruition in the life of my little man. At just nine months - and even before now - he already demonstrates his strong will and determination. I cannot pinpoint this as a learned or inherited behavior because we all know Ed and I both share these traits, and what we know about his birthmom, she seems to have them too.

You know the story. Elijah reaches out for something and we tell him "No Touch" and he continues in hot pursuit of whatever he desires that we have told him is not allowed. Another, firmer, "No Touch" and he usually turns to look at you and laughs or squeals with delight. I admit, we have a hard time not laughing. He's so stinkin' cute...but he's also so defiant. Okay, maybe that's not the right word - but he is determined to do what HE wants to do.

What we know is that most of the time we are prohibiting him from something that could be dangerous or harmful. He doesn't know that. He just thinks we're restricting him. He has not yet learned how dangerous some of these experiences could be.

There have been a few times where he persists without heeding our warnings and he has quickly learned the repercussions are unwanted. This typically causes the knee-jerk reaction where he pulls his hand back and immediately reaches for whatever parent has done the scolding so he can now be consoled.

This tells me so much about my Heavenly Father. Even when I think He is prohibiting me from something that I might find enjoyable or desirable, I can rest assured He is probably trying to protect me from harm. Despite how wrapped up I may be in getting my own way, His gentle persistent may have to lead to a firmer scolding. Until, at last, I don't heed His warning and I may face the consequeces.

What I know to be true is that despite how 'hard' it may hurt, I can turn to Him and He will meet me with open arms. Just as I accept Elijah and console him after he's disobeyed, so my Father accepts me when I need His comforting.

It's an unconditional love that I could never quite fully grasp until I became a parent.

I praise You, Lord, for loving me unconditionally. For showing me mercy when I've deserved to face the consequences. For bestowing grace that I have completely unearned. For teaching me how good you are, despite my failures. May I become more like You so I may teach my son more of You.

Reflections

Elijah,

It's been awhile since I wrote you an update. Time seems to be flying by. Everyone said it would but now that I'm living in the moment, I realize how right they were. You're not just growing and getting lots of hair (which I love) but your personality is coming through in full force.

You have a sweet spirit. You rub your little hand on our back or shoulder when we hold you close. You grab hold to our arms when we're dressing or changing you. You snuggle close when we pick you up - especially as you're waking up or going to sleep. I thank God for your sweet spirit.

You are an active boy! You kick your legs every chance you get. You jump with full force, to everyone's delight, and you sometimes surprise yourself and get startled but then laugh. You love to grab hold of toys. The rings that clip together are your favorite because they're easy to hold and put in your mouth. You've started recognizing all the fun toys on your exersaucer and can grab them and pull them toward you. You spent 20 minutes watching Baby Einstein with mommy tonight and you jumped and chattered through the entire video.

You've discovered your voice. You have the best laugh. You put your whole body into the deep belly chuckle, shaking with delight and grinning big enough we can see your adorable dimple. You also love to cough and gag, mostly because you know it will get a reaction. As you jump and play you choke in between laughs and wait to see if we'll look and respond. We do, and you love it, and then you crack up laughing.

I am so excited to see who you become; so aware of all the new feats you daily reach...and yet each new accomplishment is another reminder you're all-too-soon growing up. It's never too soon to be reminded that these days - these moments - go fleeting by. I am so blessed by your life - each and every moment I get to share with you. I love you, little boy!

Mommy

4 Months Old

Elijah Riley,

Boy oh boy...it is hard to believe you are already 4 months old. Where has the time gone?!

You've had a couple of 'off' days - just not being yourself. I rocked you tonight and you fell asleep in my arms. I prayed over you - for your little mind to grow and develop; for your ears to hear the Good News; for your sweet little mouth to speak words of love; for your precious heart to know the love of Jesus; for your chubby hands to serve; and for your little feet to go.

Yes, go. That one brought tears to my eyes. As I hold you I know you will one day grow up and leave. You will become a man with a family of your own. That is the hardest part to fathom because I never want you to 'leave' me, but I know that is part of this process. Yes, that is many, many years away...but it is also a reminder of this whole gift of adoption. I have to be willing to love you enough to let you go. Wow. I simply cannot imagine how a birthmother does it but she must experience the most ultimate expression of love - letting go.

For now, I get to hold you and that is fine by me. I love you more than I can even express and as you continue to grow, I pray that your life will continue to bless others and bring God glory.

Love,
Mommy
























Thanks for the "E" onesie, Aunt Haley!

Goodnight Kisses

Elijah,

You have caught on to the routine. You know when we put a bib on you that it means bottle time. You have one of two reactions. 1. Either you start waving your arms and kicking your feet and react in excitement or 2. you start to fuss, crying impatiently because we're not feeding you fast enough.

You've also come to know the bedtime routine as well. We put your PJ's on, turn on the 'white noise' machine, turn on the ceiling projector so you can watch the animals on the ceiling while you drink your bottle. I rock you as you eat your last meal of the day and you know it's time to go to sleep.

There are other things you've learned as well - like how NOT to smile whenever a camera is in front of you. It doesn't matter what camera, who's taking the picture or even if we try to catch you off guard. You simply see a camera and turn from instant smile to instant seriousness. Will we ever get another smiling photo out of you?! Daddy says it's my fault for taking so many pictures.

You've also figured out when daddy comes in to give you goodnight kisses that you can turn your head the other direction. You have already begun to prolong the bedtime process by playing games. Repeatedly, daddy would go in for the kiss and you would turn your head in the other direction. What a jokester!

We'll continue to steal as many kisses as we can and take all kinds of crazy photos. And you, little boy, will only continue to call our bluff!

Play time with Brody & Sierra.










Buddies!










Hey, what do you say we leave these ladies behind and bust out of here?










What are you looking at?










Can I get a little help here? I love to twist but sometimes get stuck.













Play time













Toys? What toys? All I need are hands.










It's really bright out here.










That's better. Now I'm ready for the sun.

Our Little Man

Elijah,

15 weeks old tomorrow - our little man! You are enamored with your hands, you love to blow (and spit) bubbles, and you are still such a good sleeper!

You have also learned what the camera is and REFUSE to smile when it is put in front of your face. So for all of your fans watching you grow, they will not see smiling pictures despite mommy and daddy's sometimes crazy efforts.










They may even notice you are actually covering your face in some photos. Oh you little stinker!









I'm starting to notice your eyes turning brown just around the pupil. I don't know if that's the color they'll stay but brown or green outfits are making your eyes stand out so much!













You hung out with Miss Sherry, Miss Sierra and Brody today. Sierra said you weren't quite sure what to think about Brody. He's only 2 months older than you but I guess you aren't used to seeing another little person like you. We talk about your future play dates and all the fun things you boys will grow up to do! We are so thankful for their friendship.









We went out to dinner with Nana and Papa and she commented that you have rocked her world. As I rocked you to sleep tonight I cried tears of joy. Just to hold you in my arms is sometimes so surreal. I waited for so long to hold a baby. And then I thought of Sara and how she must have held you and cried too, but for a different reason. Knowing she would hold you for only a short time before she would choose to place you with us. I realize I am but a steward - appointed by God, chosen by Sara, to be your mother. It is an awesome and sometimes overwhelming responsibility. I love you with everything in me.

Mastering His Trade

Elijah,

Every time we put you on your back you do your best to roll over. You get just about halfway over when you usually get stuck on your side. You can't seem to figure out how to get your arm out from underneath you. Then you get frustrated and start fussing for someone to come and help.

We have discovered that you know exactly what you're doing. You know that you can turn on the 'fake cry' to get us to help you out. When daddy or I do help you roll, you do a face plant and wait to see if we'll help again.

Once face down, you have learned to start kicking your legs. If you get traction behind your feet, you have started to perform the army crawl. You can't quite do this on your own yet, but you are trying so hard.

You have also mastered the art of going from a laugh to a cry in .025 seconds. For those watching the Olympics, that can mean the difference between Gold and Silver. But in your world, what it really means is you have 'mastered' us. You know exactly how to turn it on so you can get attention. Usually it's just enough of a giggle to get someone to pay attention to you and in mid-laugh you turn to tears in hopes of someone picking you up. Oh you silly boy!

You are so much fun and we love every minute!

What a morning...

Elijah,

We have had such a fun morning - considering you were running a fever and could not be soothed last night. All you wanted to do was cuddle with mommy or daddy. The doctor says you're teething. Yep, at 3 months old you are apparently experiencing the pains of 'growing up.' Drooling all over the place, gnawing on your hands and arms. You don't like the teething rings yet. Thank goodness no fever today. But we had to cancel your shot, too. I'm sure you don't mind that!









Today we've had a good morning. When daddy went to wake you up, you already had your eyes open. We love the mornings. It is the highlight of our day before we head to work or chores, or whatever the day holds. You have a ritual of extensive stretching and an array of funny faces. You scrunch your nose, scowl, frown, bite your lip...and then you smile. It's the best smile in the world. Almost like as soon as you're awake enough you realize how excited you are to see us (or maybe just to eat), but we anticipate the morning routine with joy.














You had some good play time today, too, including some silly sing-alongs with mommy. You waved your arms, kicked your legs and laughed as mommy sang some kid tunes. My favorite is "Who built the ark...Noah, Noah..." We read some books and you were content. Thank goodness you're feeling better today.









You are still very serious and contemplative. You look at us and life very curiously. I wonder what's going on in that little mind of yours. I pray for you to grow in strength, wisdom, and spiritual understanding.












After a cool walk this morning, it was time for your nap. You stayed awake as long as you could and as we walked, we prayed for each person in our family. Daddy, Nana & Papa, Pap and Gram, Grandma, Aunt Lindsay and Uncle Joey, baby Ayden. I pointed out the tall trees and green grass and grey skies - everything that God made to show you how much He loves you.













He made you, too, and mommy is so thankful. I told you the story of how Sara carried you in her tummy but how she picked mommy and daddy special just for you. You are more than I could have ever imagined.

Little boy, my love, thank you for being in my life.

Elijah,

I have tried repeatedly to upload the latest and greatest photos of you - and I am disappointed to report to all of your fans, I keep getting an 'error' message. I know - it's been a few days, and I'll try again tomorrow - promise.

That error message has gotten me thinking. I've got so much responsibility at work, at church, as a wife and now a mom. I have to make sure I my priorities are in order. I don't want to mess up - even though I know I will. I know I'll make mistakes. Daddy and I still can't agree on how old you must be to go to the nursery at church (and everyone would be surprised to know that daddy is the one pushing for you NOT to go). Regardless, we get one life to live and there are no do-overs. Every experience, every opportunity and each mistake - they're all a part of the learning process, the perfecting of a life to make us each individual and unique.

Tonight as I rocked you to sleep, I prayed over your little body. Praying for your mind to grasp and understand the vastness of the God of the universe. Praying for your little eyes to see the glory of God everywhere you look. Praying for your little lips to share the Good News. Praying for your little heart to be tender to His love. Praying for your little hands to share and serve. Praying for your little feet to go - wherever He sends.

And then it hit me. You are going to grow up and become a man and one day those not-so-little feet will lead you away from me. There will come a time when another woman will capture your heart. It's hard to fathom, but your little life will be one that I pray touches other lives. You've already touched so many people by just being the blessing we've prayed for.

Yes, little love, I will make mistakes. There will be more 'error messages' along the way. There will be bumps and bruises, but I will always be here for you. I have committed to being on my knees to intercede for you so that whatever you grow up to be, you will always know you are loved, protected and prayed for.

Love,
Mommy

9 Weeks

Elijah,

9 weeks ago we were sitting in a hotel on a Saturday morning. We got up and tried to eat breakfast. The room was full of vacationers making plans for the pool or amusement park. We tried to be calm but the excitement was building and written all over our faces.

I remember sitting across from daddy and we just kept staring at each other. We were at a loss for words. The anticipation of meeting you for the first time was so overwhelming, we didn't know what to feel.

It was the longest five hours I've ever experienced. Call it a 'quick labor and delivery' - but it seemed like forever to me.

We loved you the moment we saw you. There was no question about that. But we fall more in love with you every single day. At just over 5 pounds, you were the tiniest little thing. You fit perfectly in our arms and lives and we knew life would never be the same.

Now you're 12 weeks old, just about 12 pounds and so full of life. Your cheeks have filled out and you're growing daily before our eyes.

Last night we were in the family room and you were wide awake and content to just rest in my arms. I looked at daddy and said, "Could we have been anymore blessed?!"

We are amazed by you. You are a living, breathing miracle. It's true, we only had 2 days to prepare to get you - but we had been waiting for almost 2 years for a baby to bless our lives.

Our world has been turned upside down. Our lives have been rocked to the core. You have completely and utterly changed every thing that used to be a priority for us. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

We'll have many more milestones to celebrate and holidays, birthdays and "Gotcha Days" to enjoy - but today, I'm just going to enjoy you - my sweet little boy.

Love,
Mommy

OURS For Keeps!!!!!!!

You're OURS! What some may have not realized is that daddy and I chose to take an 'at risk' placement when you were placed in our arms 8 weeks ago. It was labeled 'at risk' because the birthfather's rights had not been terminated because he was not located. After Sara chose us to be your adoptive parents, we were told we had a choice - either take the at risk placement, with the risk of him showing up and claiming parental rights - or wait until the court terminated his rights. I CAN'T IMAGINE HAVING MISSED OUT ON THE PAST 8 WEEKS WITH YOU!













Praise the Lord - I am happy to report another milestone in our adoption journey. May 9th you were born. May 31st you were placed in our arms. AND today - July 28 - birthfather rights were terminated! The 'at risk' label is removed and YOU ARE OURS FOR KEEPS!














We have two more post-placement visits with our caseworker and then at the 6 month mark we get your birth certificate that legally declares you Elijah Riley BARNHOUSE!!!









We are so thankful for the prayers and support from everyone who has joined us on this journey - and for those who continue to follow this story. They're watching your cheeks fill out, your eyes turning colors, your new tricks of rolling over or laughing and smiling on demand. Why? Well, of course it's because you're cute - but more importantly it's because you're a miracle.













Elijah Riley Barnhouse - you are OUR BOY! We love you so much! (And now we can all breathe a little bit easier!)

Answered Prayers

Elijah,

When we sought our journey to adopt, we kept our plans quiet at first. Once we got through the initial stages of training and preparation and paperwork, we felt compelled to share our story - not in an effort to solicit empathy or attention, but rather to allow participation. We felt our journey was a way to share with others the miracle of adoption, educating and providing awareness, but more importantly allowing others to participate by joining with us in praying for a miracle.

So many people joined with us as we prayed and waited and went through the emotional ups and downs of interviews and waiting for our child. In November, I was given the opportunity to share our story for the ladies Thanksgiving banquet. We were each given a name to pray for of one of the ladies present. I had never met my prayer warrior and she hadn't met me, but after hearing our story she committed to praying for the child God had for us.

In God's providential plan, she would meet "Riley" - a foster baby. He was being fostered by a family whose grandson was marrying her granddaughter. That "Riley" is you, our Elijah, and she met you before we even did. She had no idea - at the time - that you were to be our child, but after we put it all together, we were all amazed at how good God is.

And then there's Ramey. Ramey is someone I've never met and won't be able to until heaven. Just days ago, she lost her battle to an aggressive brain tumor. But today, one of her good friends shared with me how in the fight of her life she was praying for me, for daddy and for you. She didn't want to focus on her pain and her depressing situation, so she asked about others and she heard about our story. They told her how we were waiting and praying for a baby. And she too started praying.

She had never met us and we had never met her. We were praying for her healing and for God's touch in her life and all the while, she was praying for God to work in our lives. In what would become some of her last days on earth, she heard how God had answered our prayers. Just like we were told 'no' to having our own children, she was not given the miracle of healing. But she was given the hope that a Sovereign God has a perfect plan for each and every life. God's plan for her was to bring her to her heavenly home and God's plan for us was bring you to our home.

"Trust God when He says no
You're still blessed
There must be a greater yes."

Thank you Jesus that you answer prayers. Though they are not always answered in the way we think or hope, we have the assurance that there is always a greater yes.

A New Day

Oh baby...

You kept us up all night. Daddy and I were so frustrated because we simply couldn't calm you ... and we were so tired - including you! We turned on the projector that flashes stars and moons on the ceiling and usually captures your attention. We had the ocean noises in the background that typically seem so calming. We rocked you. We held you. We tried letting you sleep with us (get over it, Baby Wise moms)...but you simply couldn't be satisfied.
We went to work with blood shot eyes and dark circles underneath. Thank goodness it's a new day.

It reminds me of Lamentations 3...Great is the Lord's unfailing love, His mercies are new each morning. I'm so glad that we get to start over each day. Every day is so unpredictable - we never know what will come. We never know what to expect. It's hard to plan how things will go - good or bad - but each day is new and different and that's what makes it so much fun. I heard a quote once that has stuck with me and now I'll share it with you..."The fact that you are alive today is proof positive that God has something for you to do." Just remember that. As long as you are given breath, you have a purpose on this planet to continue to glorify your Creator.









And yes, I mentioned "work"...yesterday was your first day with the nanny. Up to this point, you've only been with family. But you did so good for Miss Donna. She had you sleeping in the crib (something mommy and daddy can't even do) and took you for a walk and took such good care of you. We had such a peace about you being with your nanny and it made seeing you after work so sweet! I missed you so much...but I'm so happy to share with you that God is so gracious and providential and providing for even the job situation to work out so you won't have to be with the nanny more than a day or two a week. Praise the Lord!









At your doctor's visit two weeks ago, the doctor told me you were an active baby. You are now constantly on the move - kicking your legs, swinging your arms - sometimes punching us. You even hit Jackson on the nose last night and he looked so stunned. After all, he has spent every moment right by your side. You two will be such good friends just as soon as you can throw his ball. I am anticipating the days when we'll be running to catch up with you, but for now we savor everyday we can still hold you in our arms.

People often ask how I even have time to keep this blog updated for you but as I type you are resting comfortably on my lap, kicking your little slippered feet on the keyboard. So far, I think I've managed to correct all the extra keystrokes you have helped add.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnttn nmj mmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnmnmsmmnjne vvv

That was just for you to add your own two cents to the blog. Thank you sweet boy!

When you're awake, you're wide awake - with big bright eyes that are still changing color with everything you wear. I wonder everyday what color they will turn out to be.

You love to pucker up your lips and make noises. You're even clicking your tongue, though I'm not sure that it's intentional. You're still getting so vocal.

You've now kicked off one of your powder blue baseball embroidered slippers. You're getting frustrated because we're not on the move, so for now, we'll wrap things up.


Thank you to Lana and Deb for the wonderful bibs and burp cloths that bear your name or initials! We absolutely love them.