Surprise?!

There are moments in my life that alter who I am.

I was completely unprepared for it. But as unexpected as it was, it was unavoidable.

Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. That didn't mean the affects fled, though. For a brief moment, it took my breath away. And I had to stop to convince myself that reality as I know it was not, in fact, what I had just experienced.

I am nervous. Anxious. Dealing with the pressure. Trying to be strong and brave and not letting on that I might be scared.

What would I do in times like these without my faith? I can't even imagine. So, despite those moments that shake my world, I choose to trust.

I have adopted a new philosophy - no matter what happens, "That wasn't a surprise to God." It somehow helps me to realize that no matter how out of control I feel or how uncontrollable life gets around me, it wasn't a surprise to Him.

Some people ask how I can still love and trust and serve a God who wouldn't prevent such things - but at the same time, I know that just because it doesn't surprise Him doesn't mean He caused it to happen.

So I wait. I trust. I worry (yes, that creeps in). And I pray.

I know you don't know what's going on and I know you don't understand. I also know you probably don't "get" me...but will you believe in faith that God, my God, who calmed the storms with one word, who sent His son to die for my sins, who answered my prayer for a son, is still the God of the universe and in this moment - whatever you may be facing - His love is not fleeting and He isn't surprised.