5-30-08 Journal Entry
We made the 7 hour trek across beautiful, mountainous West Virginia to the town of Stow, Ohio. I would have never known it was on the map if it weren't for the most important place in my world right now. The whole ride I kept staring at this empty carseat in the backseat thinking, "How is this going to be filled in just one day? And we get to keep him...he's going to be ours!"
I keep dreaming of him, picturing him (or trying to - without having even seen a picture). I can't wait to hold him and lay eyes on him.
Ed and I had a quiet dinner - just the two of us. It was almost like the "last supper" - the last supper as a family of two. There is nothing bittersweet about it, either. It is a celebratory time of what the two of us have been through to, in less than 24 hours, become a family of three.
And then I had a mini panic attack...What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't do it? What if we aren't good at this? What if he doesn't bond with us? Can we do this?! I keep trying to imagine my reaction, my emotions, when I first see him and hold him. I can't. I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
And yet, I am at peace knowing that every step - orchestrated by God - has brought us together with this little boy - soon to be our son.
http://barnhousefamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/hi-ohio.html
1 comment:
I can't believe it's already been a year! I remember reading your blog entry and feeling such excitement for you!
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