Reflections

I was giving Elijah a bath tonight and trying to remember what day it was. Wednesday, May 20. WEDNESDAY, MAY 20?! And it hit me - a year ago today began our journey to Elijah.

Rewind a bit more, though, and two years ago on May 29, 2007, I journaled:

"One of the things I set before me at the beginning of this year was to see God invade my faith walk through the journey of having a baby. I should be careful what I pray for! I can't seem to wait...I want to start the adoption process, be in the system, and be chosen as soon as possible. But I sense God telling me to wait. I feel a deeper longing and that is for His peace. I have believed the desire of my heart was to become a mother but now I realize it's something else - it is to know my God, to have His peace in my life, and to serve Him with all that I am. I'm laying it all down, Lord. I give up the fight. I only want You. Help my longings to be filled by only you. Fill me to the point of overflowing. May this journey - wherever it leads - take me to You."

Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love endures forever. Do not abandon the works of Your hands."

One year ago today, May 20, 2008, we had our interview with Sara. May 22, we knew another birthmother and birthfather would be viewing our album while Sara would interview with a second family. We were conflicted and confused, not sure why God had brought what seemed to be two birthmothers and two boys into our lives simultaneously.

"God, we are desperate for You and Your will. We need Your wisdom and guidance. Direct us. Be thou my vision. You are in control, Oh Sovereign Lord. Give us the baby you have for us. And give us your peace either way."

On 5/22, we "set up an altar" - fasting and praying for clarity, wisdom, discernment and God's will.

"We are not in control and for the first time, it's exactly where I want to be. I don't want to be in the position of having to make the decision. So, today I pray for those making decisions that involve or could affect me. It only took until mid-morning for God to give me a peace about "Riley." As soon as that happened, I started to claim him - praying for the first time for God to give him to us. I claimed him by name - Elijah Riley. Ed was attacked by the enemy all day, but he remained faithful and he, too, came to experience God's peace about this baby."

On May 23, 2008, I built an altar on that day, laying stone after stone to represent God's faithfulness, His kindness, His goodness, His mercies, His blessings. Most importantly, it was meant to always serve as a reminder in our family of how we became a family.